makeste: (I'M A SHAAAAAARK)
makeste ([personal profile] makeste) wrote2010-11-18 02:45 pm

Reborn! fic - Slap Bet

Chapter 315 review is forthcoming, though I might not get to it until tomorrow due to unavoidable circumstances such as SEEING HARRY FUCKING POTTER AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT, FUCK YEAH.

Anyway, I've been watching too much How I Met Your Mother recently, and, well...

Title: Slap Bet
Rating: PG-13 (for language and comedic violence)
Characters: Ryohei, Aoba Koyo, and assorted others.
Notes/Warnings: Like, mad spoilers right up through the latest chapters, yo.
Summary: How Ryohei and Aoba’s battle should have gone.





“I propose,” proposed Aoba, “a slap bet.”

“A slap bet?!” shouted Ryohei, looking fiercely inspired. “What an extreme twist! That’s extremely better than what I was going to say!”

“What were you going to say?” Aoba inquired.

“I was going to say BOXING to the extreme!”

“I see. Well, then you’re right—mine is better.”

“Okay, will somebody explain to me what a slap bet is?” asked Tsuna, looking a little sheepish, but mostly just shocked (offended, even) that Ryohei knew something that he didn’t.

“I’ll explain, Tenth!” chirruped Gokudera. “A slap bet is when two guys make a wager, but instead of gambling money, they agree that the winner gets to slap the loser as hard as he can in the face with no consequences afterward.”

“SO EXTREME!!” said Ryohei, who apparently hadn’t known what a slap bet was after all.

“This is my pride, Sasagawa Ryohei,” declared Aoba, adjusting his glasses with a finger. “Do you agree to these terms?”

“Koyo…” Ryohei bit his lip to stop his manly emotions from bursting every which way. “IT’S A BET, TO THE EXTREME!”

They shook on it.

“So what the hell are you betting on, anyway?” Gokudera asked reasonably (prolonged exposure to Aoba and Ryohei has a tendency to make anyone feel extra-specially reasonable in comparison).

Aoba and Ryohei exchanged glances, then “um…”s.

“How about best three out of five?” Reborn suggested. “You can decide on each individual wager as the rest of the battles continue. And in the meantime, Koyo can tag along with us.”

And that was how the Fellowship of the Vongola Rings acquired one more temporary member.


---



“Lambo... and Large!” gasped Tsuna from within the little stone dome he, Gokudera, Ryohei, Reborn, and Aoba were all now crouching in.

“Oh, excellent,” said Aoba delightedly. He turned to Ryohei. “One slap says Large trashes the kid in less than five minutes.”

“That’s not something I want you betting on!!” Tsuna squeaked.

“You’re on!” said Ryohei fervently.

They watched with bated breath as Lambo walked around demanding that Large play with him, smugly insisting that Large was his subordinate, and just generally making a nuisance of himself while apparently living in some sort of delusional world. Eventually, Large seemed to tire of this and punted Lambo out of their sumo ring.

Yes!” Aoba roared, pumping a fist in the air. Before the dust had even settled, he turned toward Ryohei with a look of malevolent triumph. “Prepare to taste my palm of victory, Ryohei!” And without further ado, he slapped the Sun Guardian so hard his grandchildren felt it.

“Wait,” said Reborn since he was apparently the only one still paying attention to Lambo’s fight. “You shouldn’t be so quick to jump to conclusions.”

As the dust cleared to reveal TYL!Lambo, the characters all predictably gasped in shock.

“Wait a sec!” said Gokudera. “That means Aoba slapped Ryohei even though he didn’t win the bet! Shouldn’t there be some sort of penalty for that?”

“As an impartial judge,” said Reborn, who was anything but, “I rule that Ryohei may give Aoba Koyo two slaps in retaliation.”

What—” was all that Aoba managed to say before Ryohei turned eagerly toward him and slapped him so hard his great-grandchildren felt it. As Aoba sat up, tears involuntarily springing from his eyes, Ryohei backfisted him again, this time sending him crashing right through the stone arches of their little alcove, and into the middle of Large’s sumo ring.

“HIIIEEEEEK!” shrieked Tsuna while Gokudera swore like a dying sailor. Both of them ducked and frantically covered their heads, as if doing so would in any way help to ward off thousands of tons of crushing rock.

About a minute or so later, when it finally sunk in that nothing was actually happening, everyone turned toward Large with dubious expressions.

“…Okay, you got me,” Large said. “The dome won’t actually collapse if you break that wall there.”

“I thought that seemed kind of convenient,” mused Gokudera, nodding his head.


---



THE MATCH HAS ENDED, the Vindice announced once TYL!Lambo had finally finished kicking Large’s ass. THEREFORE, WE SHALL LEAVE BEHIND THE FIRST KEY THAT WAS GIVEN TO US BY COZART AND GIOTTO.

As the Vindice leader tossed Cozart’s wallet in their general direction indifferently, Aoba turned to Ryohei, hungry for redemption, and declared, “I bet this flashback will prove once and for all just how much of a giant dick your boss was!”

“I’ll take that bet to the—” Ryohei replied before said flashback intervened, cutting off his last word (spoilers: it was ‘extreme’).

One sparkly handshake later, the flashback faded away and a sour-faced Aoba turned toward Ryohei to face his destiny like a man.

Ryohei slapped him. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, Obi-Wan Kenobi felt a disturbance in the Force.


---



“I’ll tell you my pride!” said Gokudera, staring down Shitt P with the intensity of a child waiting for the clock to strike 3 p.m. on the last day of school.

“I already know,” replied Shitt P. “It’s—”

“WAIT,” exclaimed Aoba. “I know this one too! In the end, your pride is being a subordinate of the Vongola Tenth! Am I right? Am I right??”

“That’s… what I was going to say too,” acknowledged Shitt P.

They both turned toward Gokudera.

“Well… yeah!” said Gokudera, looking a little thrown but defiantly pushing through. “Being a guardian and serving Tenth is my pride!”

“I KNEW IT!” screamed Aoba victoriously, and without wasting a second more, he spun toward Ryohei and slapped him so hard Yamamoto woke up from his coma.


---



“We’re tied for slaps!” Aoba announced once Gokudera had finished defeating Shitt P (you call it wishful thinking; I call it LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU).

“Your first slap didn’t count,” Gokudera pointed out.

“So in the end, it comes down to this,” Aoba continued, the very picture of the la la la technique. “That oldest and grandest of mafia traditions. The coin toss.”

Tsuna opened his mouth and then shut it again, deciding there were some mafia traditions he just needed to learn to roll with.

“ARE YOU READY, RYOHEI?!” Aoba shouted, holding the 100-yen piece with something like reverence.

“I’M READY TO THE EXTREME!” Ryohei answered, positively shaking with anticipation.

Aoba flipped the coin.

“CALL IT!”

“HEADS!!” Ryohei screamed.

All eyes watched as the coin that carried their fates spun through in the air. In dramatic slow motion, it arced toward the floor, then landed with a tinny sound…

…right on its edge.

“Son of a—” began Aoba before he was interrupted by flashes of lightning and dramatic black text bubbles.

THE COIN HAS SPOKEN, the Vindice declared. BOTH GUARDIANS OF SHIMON AND VONGOLA HAVE LOST THE BET. THEREFORE, THEY ARE BOTH DEFEATED AND SHALL BE TAKEN AWAY BY US.

Before anyone could protest, chains appeared out of nowhere and dragged Ryohei and Aoba away.

Fucking hell,” said Gokudera once they had all finished standing there in shock.

“Eh. It could have been worse,” said Reborn.

“Ryohei and Koyo just got dragged off to a hell prison because of a coin toss!” said Tsuna in disbelief. “How the heck could it be any worse?

“It could have been worse,” Reborn said again, and shuddered.




Seriously, man. They got off easy this time.

Happy Slapsgiving, everyone!

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