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Reborn! fic - Nerdy Club for Nerds
Title: Nerdy Club for NerdsRating: PG-13 (for language)
Characters: Gokudera, Shouichi, Spanner, and a
Notes/Warnings: I think this was inspired by an offhand remark
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daigranon made like half a year ago about wanting to see more fic with all of the "genius" characters of KHR interacting. I then proceeded to write this, to prove that in KHR the word "genius" is a very relative term....THIS IS A CRACK FIC. Just to be clear on that!
Summary: The geniuses of KHR form a club to get their nerd on.
“This is fucking lame,” derided Gokudera, arms crossed in the most annoyed, dismissive I-am-so-above-this-bullshit pose he could muster. “I can’t believe you ever talked me into this.”
“Don’t say that, Gokudera-kun,” pouted Shouichi. “It’s not that bad.”
“The hell it isn’t! What kind of club has only three members, anyway?”
“The awesome kind,” said Spanner around a mouthful of lollipop. He gave a thumbs up, without looking away from his computer screen for a second.
“The stupid kind. And anyway, I have more important things to do than be a part of your nerdy club for nerds.”
“Suit yourself,” said Shouichi, and then, manipulatively, “By the way, did you get the new issue of Skeptical Inquirer?”
“Yeah,” replied Gokudera, magically transforming from the pot into the kettle in one eager swoop, “did you see that article about the Brazil footage? I can’t believe that shit turned out to be a hoax! They’re just making it harder for the real investigators to gain credibility!”
“True, but I thought the technology they used was pretty interesting.”
“Well, yeah...”
“The new issue of Nuts and Volts is out too,” said Spanner, but no one cared.
“By the way, guys,” said Shouichi out of the blue, “I actually brought a new member this month!”
“—Wait, what?” said Gokudera, caught off guard due to his having been about to insinuate that Spanner should just marry a robot already.
“That’s right, a new member! So if you two could just give him a nice warm welcome, I’d like to introduce... Byakuran!”
“Hello~” said Byakuran, musical note floating past his head as he stepped through the door and waved genially.
Gokudera and Spanner both stared, first at Byakuran and then at the increasingly guilt-faced Shouichi.
“Irie...” said Gokudera, backing away from the door, “do you mind if we chat for a sec?”
“Have you lost your fucking mind?!”
“He promised me a cure for cancer!” said Shouichi, blushing furiously.
“He what?” said Gokudera, looking both impressed and also as though his entire worldview had been shattered.
“Wait,” said Spanner suddenly, “that’s the guy we were all fighting that one time, right?”
Gokudera and Shouichi turned to stare at him.
“...Isn’t it?” Spanner asked.
“Do you live in a giant cave on the rock of oblivion or something?” said Gokudera incredulously.
“For your information,” Spanner huffed, “I was building a giant robot.”
“Why don’t you just go marry—”
“Guys,” broke in Shouichi impatiently. “Seriously! Cure for cancer!”
“Why the fuck do you keep looking at me every time you say that?” Gokudera glared.
“No reason...”
Gokudera eyed Shouichi eyeing his pack of cigarettes, and frowned.
“Look, guys,” Shouichi said at last,” this is important to me, okay? Can’t we just... take one for the team, this one time?”
“What team? The cancer team?”
“Please?”
Gokudera fixed Shouichi with his sternest, bossiest, most severe-looking right hand man glare. “No. Fucking. Way.”
“I’m so happy you guys are letting me join the club!” glowed Byakuran in his happiest, sing-songiest voice.
“Well, we took a vote, and it was two to one,” said Shouichi, good-naturedly avoiding the seething hate aura emanating from every fiber of Gokudera’s being.
“I promise you won’t regret it! In fact, I brought something for you guys!” Without further prompting, he turned and reached into a large crate that he’d apparently spirited into the room when they weren’t looking. “Shou-chan told me that you hadn’t come up with costumes yet, sooo...”
And, very much ignoring the growing atmosphere of confusion and also horror in the room, he began to pull out an assortment of corsets, stockings, and various other bits of lingerie.
“...” said everyone, even people who weren't actually in the room. Yes, even people in entirely different locations and situations just broke off from whatever they were doing and started dotting. It was just that fucking bizarre.
“Now, I had to guess at some of the sizes,” prattled on Byakuran obliviously. “Goku-chan, you’re about one-hundred and sixty-eight centimeters tall, yes?”
“One seventy-two,” Gokudera corrected automatically.
“...” said everyone for the second time in two minutes.
“What?” Gokudera demanded.
“...Nothing,” said Shouichi at last. Spanner silently put a hand flat above his head, then moved it over Gokudera’s. He glanced back over at Byakuran and shook his head. Part of Gokudera’s dignity died a little.
“Anyway,” Byakuran continued, “Like I said, some of the sizes are approximate, so if there are any problems, just let me know, and...”
He trailed off, perhaps finally noticing the way the other three were staring at him as though his torso had suddenly erupted into a black hole or something else equally horrifying and ridiculous.
“Byakuran-san... you are just kidding around with all of this, right?” asked Shouichi in hesitant pleading tones.
“What could they possibly be for?” Spanner mused.
“Oh, I think you know what they’re for,” Byakuran all but saucily winked at them.
"The fuck,” said Gokudera, sounding as though something fundamental was about to break inside him. “No, we do not.”
Byakuran frowned, then looked over at Shouichi, who swallowed and suddenly took to staring at the empty corner as though it were the most amazing corner he’d ever seen and holy shit, would you look, would you just look at this amazing goddamn fucking corner.
Byakuran looked a bit awkward. “Shou-chan... I thought you said we were doing Lady Marmalade this week?”
There was a silence.
“Irie,” said Gokudera in a tone implying that Shouichi would do well to make sure he got his final affairs in order in the next few moments, “we need to chat again.”
“All right,” said Shouichi in slightly ashamed resignation. “I may or may not have told him this was a glee club.”
“You... what?” said Gokudera, or at least the words came out of Gokudera’s mouth, but seeing as they sounded slightly demonic, we can’t be 100 percent sure.
“Cure for cancer, all right??”
Here followed an extremely long and dull (...well, no, I’m not gonna lie, it was actually pretty entertaining; we just don’t have the time to go into it) conversation that ultimately ended in Shou getting his way once again on the one condition that, should any of this ever grace the servers of YouTube, none of the others would ever again see the light of another morn.
The following day, Yamamoto greeted Gokudera, slung an arm across his shoulders, and said, “Haha, Gokudera, I didn’t know you spoke French!”
Shouichi’s funeral was held on Monday.
To be fair, he didn’t just kill him because of the YouTube thing; he was also pissed off because he didn't get to be Christina. He wanted to—they ALL wanted to—but let’s face it, Byakuran was born for that role.
ALL HAIL MAKESTE!!!
I have always loved your humor and still remain aghast at how you seem to pull it off so effortlessly. XD Oh we all love the nerds! And I'm sure Spanner would have loved to marry Mini Mosca if he had been given the chance...perhaps that's why his future self made him?
Anyway, I bow to your greatness! ♥ ♥
Re: ALL HAIL MAKESTE!!!
Thank yooooou. |D Lol, this fic was super dumb, but a really fun sort of dumb. Really glad you liked it! GOOOOO NERDS. o/
Thank you so much for the awesome comment!
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holy shit, would you look, would you just look at this amazing goddamn fucking corner
Man, I looked! hahah
lol this is fantastic \o/
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Haha, thank you! <3
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Lol, thanks for the comment! :)
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You write the best things ever, seriously. Every time you post a fic I stop whatever I'm doing to read it because I know it'll be awesome and hysterical and bizarre while still being in character somehow.
*bows down before your greatness*
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Wow, I don't even really know what to say to such an epically nice comment, so I will just say: thank you! <3
Heh, seriously, this made my day. \o/
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(hmm, I don't think I've used this icon in a while. PERFECT OPPORTUNITY /dusts off)
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(And haha, that icon. Perfect. Thanks for the comment! ♥)
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This is hilarious. The corner bit killed me.
*lying in puddle of blood*
Killed me!
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Heh, the way I see it, if you're going to intentionally avoid someone's gaze, you might as well go ALL OUT. GO FOR BROKE.
Lol, glad you liked it; thanks so much for the comment! \o/
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He wanted to—they ALL wanted to—but let’s face it, Byakuran was born for that role.
This is so true that it's almost scary. ROFL
And, okay, I admit I would watch the hell outta that youtube vid XDno subject
And he really was. Is it really weird that out of all of them, Byakuran is the only one I could picture actually singing the song and it didn't even strike me as at all weird in my head? It's like, okay, yes, this is in fact something he would do. XD
And yes, I would too....In fact, I would watch it so shamelessly that I really can't even justify strike-through text. YES, OKAY, I WOULD TOTALLY FUCKING WATCH IT.Thanks!
(Anonymous) 2011-06-30 01:41 pm (UTC)(link)Skeptical Inquirer
Re: Thanks!
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At the same time, lol.
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Lol, and I accept that should it ever come to that, my haunting will be well-deserved. XD
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afhasdglkhaslkhsafljskahdglk I didn't know what Lady Marmalade was so I youtubed it, and...........and yeah. I think reading this first and then finding out what Lady Marmalade is...is this kind of hilarious I cannot even describe. Epic? Life affirming? WORDS DO NOT DO THIS FEELING JUSTICE.
THAT ASIDE.
ffff of course Gokudera reads Skeptical Inquirer, I will never be convinced otherwise. And of course Shouichi uses it to lure him back in the whole thing is so IC I cannot even.
“The new issue of Nuts and Volts is out too,” said Spanner, but no one cared.
BAWWW XD, and does Spanner just go along with everything Shouchi does? lolll
The parts with the dotting and the amazing corner asfklhasdglsd
And it's all even funnier that the nerdy characters are doing it XD man, oh man, I'd love to see their costume rehearsal of it all.
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And omg that does sound epic. I actually haven't seen the Moulin Rouge edition Lady Marmalade video in years, and I didn't bother rewatching it before I wrote this , but after reading this comment I did go take a look... and I nearly died. XD GOKUDERA, I'M SORRY. I forgot just how not-workfare it really is. XD
And yeah, Gokudera reading Skeptical Inquirer is basically canon. And we all know Shou is capable of crazy feats of manipulation, having worked so extensively as an UNDERCOVER SPY, so he might as well put those skills to good use from time to time in more benign way!
Sob, idek, for some reason my mental image of Spanner and Shouchi's married relationship does basically consist of Spanner going along with all of Shou's thises and thats. He's mellow like that.
The costume rehearsal. Oh man. I freaking wrote this and I have to admit that even I was too chicken to actually imagine the whole full-blown production number. But can I just say, I'm pretty sure Dera actually did have just cause for murdering Shou. XD
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Also, what are the corresponding roles you had in mind for Shouichi and Spanner? I know your head canon dictates Byakuran as Christina and Gokudera as Lil Kim (lol)
I just want a more vivid experience when I watch that vid againfffff I want to write fanfic of your fanfic, it's just that amazing. And to not be 'just saying that' it would include stuff like:
"WHAT. THE FUCK. IS THIS?" Gokudera points, and almost jabs his finger into the laptop monitor but decides that even his anger doesn't justify damaging the crystal plasma screen -- which is a strange train of thought considering the only reason he didn't destroy the thing was because he hasn't yet figured out how to hide dynamite in his corset.
"I was just rendering footage of our rehearsal--" Spanner starts, in his usual deadpan manner.
"SHUT UP," Gokudera growls, "that much is obvious, but why--"
"Oh~" Byakuran sings from behind, "that's a good face you're making there, Goku-chan, I knew you had some smoldering eroticism in you~!"
...He is doing this on purpose, right? Byakuran is totally trying to tick him off. There is no other explanation. Gokudera glares at him, then at his face on the monitor. FUCKING HELL. It's that stupid corset, it's not like he wanted to make that expression, he just spent the whole goddamn time panting for air so he wouldn't fucking die. He turns to his right and kicks Shouichi's shins.
"W-what was that for?" Shouichi splutters as he recovers from falling face first onto the ground. He scoops up his glasses and starts to crawl backwards as Gokudera advances toward him with an air that made Byakuran say 'oh, such a chilly murderous intent, Goku-chan~'
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT."
...
ALL OF THE THINGS THAT COULD BE INFLICTED UPON GOKUDERA. ALL THE POSSIBILITIES 8DD
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AND I ACCEPT FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THIS THING THAT I HAVE DONE AND WOULD BE HONORED TO TAKE YOU AS MY WIFE, ZEAN. ♥ WE CAN MAKE HONEST WOMEN OUT OF EACH OTHER. o/
I think I was picturing Shouichi as Pink and Spanner as Mya. Pink is kind of the second-in-command of that song, and Mya has like one verse, so it seemed to fit their respective levels of participation/talkativeness. XD
AND
OH MY LORD
YOU ARE AMAZING
"that's a good face you're making there, Goku-chan, I knew you had some smoldering eroticism in you~!"
THIS SENTENCE COMING FROM BYAKURAN'S MOUTH IS KIND OF DESTROYING MY MIND.
FUCKING HELL. It's that stupid corset, it's not like he wanted to make that expression
*weeps. with laughter*
He turns to his right and kicks Shouichi's shins.
I am happy that you put this in because it seems like this action should have been in the original fic but I just could not work it in there!
Sob, poor Shou. Oh man, ilu. This is a thing of beauty. ;_;