Retrospective KHR Theatre: Act Two

[makeste]

When last we left our hero Sawada Tsunayoshi, he had succeeded in becoming middle school famous (like Internet famous, but lamer) by stripping down to his underwear and making Mochida more aerodynamic.

I have skipped chapter 2 because it is boring, so all you need to know is that since then, Tsuna has helped win a volleyball tournament, been abused an additional six times (so the count is now 15), and been stalked by a mysterious figure in Amano's first tentative use of foreshadowing.

And now, chapter 3.


1. It always seems to start with transfer students, doesn't it? Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you all to meet Tsuna's new soon-to-be right hand man, Gokudera Hayato. ...Okay, you can stop laughing now.

Oh, hell, I can't deny there's much to mock. XD It's like coming across someone's old high school yearbook, and flipping through the pictures laughing at how everyone used to have eighties hair. OH AMANO, YOU AND YOUR CRAZY OLD ART STYLE. Why is his hair sticking up inexplicably on the sides like that? Why is his forehead/brow so huge and prominent? Why does he look so bizarrely fat? "Because it was the Daily Life, and we all looked like that, okay? IT WAS A SIMPLER TIME, GEEZ, LAY OFF ALREADY."

Oddly enough, all the girls in Tsuna's class are instantly attracted to him, which just goes to show how ugly the competition must be, for realz yo.


2. Tsuna's first reaction toward Gokudera is to be pissed off (because HOW DARE HE MAKE HIS NOT-GIRLFRIEND SMILE!!!1), so clearly they are getting off to a wonderful start.

For his part, Gokudera introduces himself to Tsuna with a good desk-kneeing, which serves to make his female classmates even more hot and bothered because who doesn't love a surly thirteen-year-old who kicks things around and picks on the wimpiest kid in class for no reason. Is that Hana who's leading the I Heart Gangsters pack? Could it be that Ryohei has some competition?


3. Ah, Amano anticipated my question of "why exactly do they find Gokudera so hot?" and confirmed my suspicions about his competition. In hindsight, suddenly I can see why Kaoru can pass for a student in this school.


4. And Gokudera reveals his true intention: to become the next Vongola boss himself! I remember when I first read this; at this point, I fully expected that Gokudera would end up becoming a rival-type character, a semi-antagonist to help keep Tsuna on his toes. It was what I had been brought up to expect from shounen plots. Ohoho, how wrong I was.


5. And boom goes the dynamite. I-I'm sorry, I wanted to say it. XD Yep, Tsuna, that's how he rolls. You don't even know the half of it yet.

But far be it from Reborn to just let the two of them duke it out unsupervised. He intervenes just as Tsuna is about to be blown to smithereens, then proceeds to greet Gokudera and explain that he's the one who called him over from Italy. (I've always wondered what made him do this, incidentally; I know that Dera's Secret Bullet story suggests that the Ninth had a hand in it, but I'd like to know more about what prompted it someday. They really couldn't have picked a better kid for the job, but that only became apparent in hindsight. I guess it's that Vongola intuition at work again.)


6. Anyway, so Gokudera's all "SO IF I KILL HIM I GET TO BE THE TENTH, RIGHT?" and Reborn's all, "Yeah, sure," and he is so obviously lying through his teeth that I have to wonder why the hell Gokudera, who trusts everyone else about as far as he could throw them (and I suppose at first glance it seems like you could throw Reborn pretty far, but the problem is that you would die a horrible painful death before you ever got close enough to try), actually seems to believe this COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS CLAIM, but I guess hope springs eternal?


7. So a fight ensues and after shoving like nine cigarettes in his mouth at once (just... WHY?), Gokudera lights his bombs and stands there grinning like a fucking maniac because he is just that cool you guys. Then Reborn interrupts and explains that he's nicknamed Smoking Bomb because he smokes and he has bombs (...makes sense...). And Tsuna runs around like a headless chicken shouting things like "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!" because apparently he hasn't caught on yet that no. THEY'RE REALLY NOT.


8. So Reborn evens the odds with some dying will hijinks. Tsuna starts defusing bombs because apparently his one last regret was not putting out fuses. Gokudera takes this all in with remarkable aplomb, by which I mean he makes a D8< face and starts tossing out even MORE bombs, because BOMBS SOLVE EVERYTHING.


9. BUT THEN the unthinkable happens: Gokudera lights one bomb too many and then DROPS THEM ALL LIKE A FAILING FAILURE. To his credit, he has done many, many stupid things over the course of this series, and yet I don't believe he has ever managed to top the stupidity of this one profoundly moronic act. So that means he is learning!

Anyway, it looks like the end! But then, suddenly, Tsuna the Defusing Wonder intervenes! Heedless of his own safety, he puts out the rest of the bombs, saving Gokudera's life. Thanks for that, Tsuna.


10. Gokudera is immediately filled with ~EMOTIONS~ and kowtows before the almighty Tenth boss, pledging to serve him forever and follow him to the ends of the earth and he may or may not have also dedicated his firstborn child to him. And Tsuna is like "SAY WHAT?" but Reborn is all, "Gokudera became your subordinate because of your strength, Tsuna! :D" and so that is the story of how Tsuna acquired his first subordinate, whose completely platonic and heterosexual loyalty would prove to know no bounds.


P.S. By my reckoning, the abuse count is now 19.