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I have no idea why both of these fics have people crying in them.
Since they are supposed to be funny and all. Maybe it's the "supposed to be" part. Or maybe they're like. TRAGICOMEDIES or something.I take no responsibility if reading these makes anyone dumber by osmosis.
Title: The Byakuran Society
Rating: PG
Characters: Byakuran
Notes/Warnings: Spoilers through chapter 261.
Summary: You know that thing he does where he meditates and communicates with his other selves? It turns out those meetings are pretty fabulous.
“I now call this meeting of the Byakuran Society to order,” announced Byakuran, tapping the podium with a gavel to make it official.
“So what’s first on the agenda, everyone?” asked Byakuran as he reclined on the couch and lazily plunked a marshmallow peep into his mouth.
“If no one objects, I have an urgent matter that I would like to bring to everyone’s attention,” spoke up a Byakuran in the corner. “It’s in regards to fashion.”
Instantly a hushed silence fell over the room; Byakuran even ceased munching on his peep so that he could listen all the more attentively.
“It has been brought to my notice,” Byakuran began gravely, “that the calf is no longer high enough.”
“High enough for what?” asked one Byakuran who clearly hadn’t been paying attention in Byakuran School.
“Boots, of course,” Byakuran replied, casting a scornful look in Byakuran’s direction before turning his attention back to his more knowledgeable audience.
Gasps of shock and bewilderment sounded off around the room.
“But if the calf isn’t high enough, what is?” cried one Byakuran who had his hands clasped on either side of his head like that Munch painting. “The knee??”
“The thighs, apparently,” Byakuran reported. “Or even the crotch.”
“The crotch??” several Byakurans gasped at once, and one or two even fainted.
“Yes. I know it sounds crazy, but in order to further our aims of conquering the universe and ruling over everyone with an iron fist, we’re all going to have to start wearing crotch-high boots.” He paused. “Also as many belts as possible. I forget why, exactly, but there’s a certain logic to it. I guess.”
“It’s settled, then. We will all adopt these changes in fashion as soon as possible.” Byakuran banged his gavel again, the picture of efficiency and authority. “Next order of business?”
“There’s a guy in my universe who can’t die,” Byakuran said. “I think his name is Daisy. Anyway, I deposed him because he was trying to do his own little dictator thing in my world, but I just thought you guys might be interested. Could be Funeral Wreath material, you never know.”
“Duly noted.” Bang went the gavel again. “Next?”
“Ah, we discovered the cure to that blight thing.” Byakuran held up a syringe, taking a quick look around. “Didn’t one of you say you were looking for that?”
“Yes, thank you, I’ll take that,” replied Byakuran, holding his palm out eagerly. Byakuran handed him the medicine.
“Thank you, Byakuran, you’re a credit to us all.”
“You’re quite welcome, Byakuran. And might I add that you are looking particularly handsome today.”
“How good of you to say so, Byakuran. And you as well.”
“Yes, we’re all incredibly attractive men, of course,” Byakuran said with an impatient wave of his hand. “But let’s keep things moving along. These meetings aren’t as easy to coordinate as they used to be. Are there any further matters to be addressed?”
“Let’s compare how many times we’ve each had sex this week,” said Byakuran eagerly. “I love it when we do that. And then we should add them all together and find out how much it is total.”
“I got laid sixty times just last weekend,” Byakuran alleged, looking incredibly smug. “I’m not even kidding.”
“Sixty? Pfft. Try two hundred.”
“Byakurans, please, if we could all just focus for a minute?” Byakuran tapped his gavel impatiently.
“I think Shou-chan is plotting against me,” said one Byakuran who looked particularly glum.
“Well, of course he is," replied Byakuran, not the least bit concerned. “They always do eventually.”
“Yeah... But I don’t know, I guess part of me just hoped that mine would be different.”
“We all did. There, there.” Byakuran rubbed his back in sympathy while Byakuran pulled out a tissue and dabbed delicately at the corners of his eyes.
“I suppose this means we’re done, then,” sighed Byakuran, tapping his gavel one more time. “Meeting adjourned,” he said airily, as though he were above it all.
Immediately, mindless chatter broke out across the room.
“I don’t even know if they make crotch-high boots in my world...”
“Hello, who cares, you’re the goddamned emperor of everything. Just order someone to make you a pair.”
“They’re all going to think I’m weird...”
“I just...” Sniff. “...don’t see why it has to come to this!” Hiccup. “We were such good friends... we won first place in the science fair together! I still remember when we went out for ice cream afterward, and I asked him, do you want to be a captain in my awesome new mafia family, and he said sure, and I said great, and he said do I get to wear a cape, and I said sure if you want, and he said awesome, and... a-and...!”
“There, there...”
Gradually, the hum of collective voices began to blur and then fade away. In his meditation room, Byakuran opened his eyes once more to his dark and silent world, where he was, at least for the time being, the only one.
He smiled. It was good to have peace and quiet, but all the same, he did so love those get-togethers with the old gang.
Title: Everybody Hurts Sometimes
Rating: PG
Characters: Everyone's favorite Shimon family!
Notes/Warnings: Spoilers for the most recent manga chapters; I've also taken some speculative liberties regarding the conclusion of this arc. Also everyone is wildly OOC.
Summary: A broken heart brings a family together.
It was a defeat snatched from the jaws of victory. They should have seen it coming, Adelheid supposed, but then again, maybe some of them had, and just hadn’t cared enough to do anything about it. The not caring part certainly applied to most of them.
The one person it didn’t apply to was curled up pitifully on a corner of the couch, beset by an avalanche of despair brought on by that greatest of tragedies, a broken heart. Or something.
“I just can’t believe sh-she would do that! Why? Why?!” he demanded of the heavens before breaking off into an agonized wail.
“There, there, Julie,” said Large uncharacteristically (it wasn’t the words of comfort that were uncharacteristic; it was the words, period). He rubbed Julie’s back in soothing circles.
“It was j-just so sudden, so shocking... I went up to my bed to check on her and she wasn’t... she wasn’t there!”
“We know, Julie-kun,” said Shitt P politely. They had, in fact, all been present when Julie’s girlish screams had echoed through the hideout, quickly followed by him tearing down the stairs and through the main room where they’d all sat congregated like a good mafia family. They had also been present when he’d returned to joylessly announce the simultaneous occurrences of Chrome’s escape from the island and the end of this world as we know it. He had then collapsed into the wretched heap that now sat blubbering snot into the occasional handkerchiefs Large would offer him as each previous one was retired, wet and dripping, from active duty.
“I just don’t understand!” Julie gasped as he came up for air after a particularly long fit of muffled sobs. “I thought what we had was special!”
“What?” said Adelheid in sincere bafflement. Because seriously, what.
“We were going to get married! I thought”—sniff—“I thought we would be together forever!”
“...Why would you think that?”
“Our love was pure! We were like Romeo and Juliet!”
“Romeo and Juliet killed themselves,” informed Shitt P matter-of-factly.
“What?!” Julie shot a horrified glance toward Adelheid, who nodded. “Oh my God,” he moaned before his voice cracked and he began to sob harder than ever.
“Forget her, Julie,” broke in a cold voice all of a sudden. The rest of the family looked over to see Enma pulling off his headphones, the last few brooding notes of a Linkin Park song dissolving into the evening air.
“Enma...” Julie whispered, stunned.
“She’s not worth it. None of them are.” Enma stood up. “Love...” he began as he walked toward the open balcony, the setting sun casting his features in a harsh and dramatic glow. “In the end, where does it get any of us?”
“In the end, nowhere!” put in Aoba excitedly. He turned to the nearest person, Kaoru, and gave him a brofist for absolutely no reason.
“Exactly!” Enma exclaimed. He hunched over the balcony rail, where the entirety of the island stretched out beneath him, an audience of rocks and trees and shadows. “It’s all meaningless. This world is cold and unforgiving. And those few that dare to open their hearts are inevitably betrayed and crushed.” He pounded a fist on the railing, then bowed his head. Adelheid couldn’t be certain, but she thought she saw a single tear roll despondently down his cheek.
“Enma...!” Julie’s tears were considerably less artful as he got to his feet, eyes shining with both pain and admiration for his boss.
“Julie...” Enma turned slowly, dramatically, to conclude his soliloquy. “If we can’t rely on them... we’ll just have to rely on each other!”
Julie gave a shudder and ducked his head, swiping briefly at his flowing tears. Then, without any dignity whatsoever, he launched himself into Enma’s waiting arms.
“Boss!” he sobbed loudly. “Oh, Boss...”
“We’ll get through this,” Enma promised him. “Together. Because, after all... we're Family.”
“Boss...”
Slowly at first, then with great enthusiasm, Shitt P began to applaud. The others followed suit, Aoba and Kaoru pausing occasionally to wipe away stray tears of their own.
Adelheid realized her mouth was hanging open a little. She closed it, then sighed, her breasts heaving wearily.
Maybe it wasn’t too late to consider defecting to the Vongola.
(Yes, Adelheid, if you really want relief from overly gay and melodramatic mafia family antics, the Vongola are definitely the way to go.)
And welcome to
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reflectives, mycolor, umi_no_suzume, imbrifer, snowpoison, bearit, and victims from the KHR friending meme! ♥ I HOPE THIS POST HAS NOT GIVEN YOU THE WRONG IMPRESSION OF ME. Actually, who am I kidding. It's exactly the correct impression. XD
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AND LOL CROTCH HIGH BOOTS.
Hahaha you're brilliant and the impression it has given me is a great one. 8D
“I think Shou-chan is plotting against me,” said one Byakuran who looked particularly glum.
“Well, of course he is," replied Byakuran, not the least bit concerned. “They always do eventually.”
“Yeah... But I don’t know, I guess part of me just hoped that mine would be different.”
I lol'd. 8DDD
Not gonna read the second one because I won't even know who is who. XD
Ah I wish English was my native language so I could... write stuff. And lol, your tags. XD
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Haha, I'm glad I didn't scar you for life or anything. And I hope I didn't spoil you too badly either? How far along are you in the Future Arc? ;;
Poor Byakuran. Nobody loves him, just because he's a megalomaniacal tyrant. :(
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These fics. I don't even.
BYAKURAN MEETING ALL THE BYAKURANS THAT IS BRILLIANT
200 hundreds times what.
crotch high boots
“They’re all going to think I’m weird...”
LOL BYAKURAN YOU ARE BYAKURAN THEY ALREADY THINK YOU ARE WEIRD
and I asked him, do you want to be a captain in my awesome new mafia family, and he said sure, and I said great, and he said do I get to wear a cape, and I said sure if you want, and he said awesome, and... a-and...!”
CANNOT STOP LAUGHING
AND THEN...!
“Romeo and Juliet killed themselves,” informed Shitt P matter-of-factly.
“What?!” Julie shot a horrified glance toward Adelheid, who nodded. “Oh my God,” he moaned before his voice cracked and he began to sob harder than ever.
LOLOLOSDFLADSGL TO ME THIS IS SO IC. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I WANTED TO SEE THAT.
HAHAHA ENMA The rest of the family looked over to see Enma pulling off his headphones, the last few brooding notes of a Linkin Park song dissolving into the evening air.
In the end, it doesn't even maaaaatter
And I imagined Adelheid's breasts heaving right after she lets out a weary breath...like they had a life of their own...
Yeah.
Also, the very last line in parenthesis...fffffff ♥
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If there's anyone who could manage that, you know it would be Byakuran.
Shou-chan and Byakuran's friendship was so pure. ;_;
Apparently when Julie has his heart broken he turns into Michael Cera.
ENMA IS TOTALLY LINKIN PARK'S NUMBER ONE FAN. And Adelheid's breasts do have a life of their own, I thought. Don't they??
Heh, I'm glad you liked them. ♥ ♥ ♥
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Please hold, having Digital Devil Saga flashbacks over here...
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And this totally gave an A+ impression~
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Yes, any less than crotch-high boots are not good enough for world domination. And the Shou part...make me crack up in a "Oh gosh this is hilarious but I think I'm gonna cry way. SOB THEY WERE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS D'8
OH JULIE. It wasn't meant to be, sorry man. The Romeo and Juliet part killed me XDD
I think I'm starting to ship Julie/Enma now whatttt.
HELL YEAH SLOW CLAPPING *shot*
And...I kinda feel bad for Adelheid now. Sadly this made me think she could be a lone agent in the Mafia, which lead me to think of Shamal (where the hell is he??) which lead me to think about how the latter would perv on the former. .__. I hate you and your tangents, Brain.
ANYWAY, HILARIOUS CRACK YOU HAVE HERE! &hearts
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The Byakuran/Shouichi bromance is one of the great tragedies of KHR. I feel kinda guilty making fun of it, but oh well. XD
Poor Julie. He just can't grasp why they didn't live happily ever after together. At least he and Enma share the mutual pain of being dumped by their Vongola sweethearts.
And a Shamal/Adelheid AU adventure would be kind of epic. *_* Although thinking of Shamal's perviness made me think of Bianchi, which made me think that a Bianchi/Adelheid AU would be even more epic. I THINK YOUR BRAIN'S TANGENTS MAY BE CONTAGIOUS OR SOMETHING.
And thank you! ♥
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Don't feel guilty! Poking fun at it isn't bad XD
He may never understand, sadly. But Enma's there to empathize with him and teach him to vent through emo poetry.
SORRY FOR SPREADING THE GERM D8 But it would be pretty awesome now that I think about it, lolol
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Emo poetry... sob that's probably the inevitable epilogue of this fic. XDD
I now totally ship it (Bianchi/Adelheid), too. Funny how things work out like that. XD
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LOL.
Write it!Hey, it works. They're both teenage girls who look like grown woman. They were made for each other.
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Tears falling from my eyes.
I have learned to hate you,
Along with all your lies.
"My God, Enma, this is... this is..." said Julie, his eyes wide as he held the sheet of torn notebook paper.
"Yes?"
"...soooooo good!"
"Thanks, Julie," replied Enma graciously. "Well, then, have you finished yours?"
"It's not very good..."
Enma picked up the sheet with Julie's poem and read. "Roses are read, violets are blue. Go to hell."
He looked back at Julie. Julie looked at him.
"It's, um. Succinct."
Julie beamed. "I poured all my feelings into it!"
Enma bit back a sigh.
Maybe it wasn't too late to consider defecting to the Vongola... wait.
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CRAWWWLINGGG IN MY SKINNNN THESE WOOOUNDS THEY WILLLLL NOT HEEEAAALLLLLL.
And the Byakuran conference is such an awesome idea! My god, that many Byakuran in one place, it's a wonder they were able to be contained in a meeting at all XD
Excellent fic, as usual!
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I have a feeling that the only reason Byakuran was able to keep even that much order is because he loves himself so damn much. XD
Heh, thanks!
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Haha, Enma listening to his music in bed, curled up and like "MY LIFE, IT'S LIKE THEY'RE SINGING ABOUT MY LIFE T________T "
They'd probably get goodie bags at the start of the meetings, and there would be bags of marshmallows and little pocket mirrors and things ~
Welcome!!
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"MY LIFE, IT'S LIKE THEY'RE SINGING ABOUT MY LIFE T________T "
sldkfjasl t-the mental image oh my god. IT'S SO CANON.
Yeah, they probably pamper themselves. And sometimes they plan little themes for the meetings, like "Arabian Nights" and "50's Blast from the Past." And they all dress up and it's the gayest thing ever.
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This is just perfect! :D And, it's such a wonderful way of introducing oneself, alright, especially when one wants more humor into this world. :3
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Oh. Byakuran. CROTCH HIGH BOOTS AND BELTS DO NOT AN EVIL MASTERMIND MAKE DUDE.
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CROTCH HIGH BOOTS AND BELTS DO NOT AN EVIL MASTERMIND MAKE
This statement would sound so patently false to his ears. XD
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--oh, wait. They're batshit crazy.
Um.
Sorry, girl. You're out of luck.
(Though thinking about it, Adelheid as a member of the Varia would be BAD. ASS.)
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Poor Adelheid, there's really no one in the mafia she can defect to if she wants to avoid batshit craziness. She could always join the Cervello to brush up on her exposition skills, though.
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Adelheid in Cervello... *pictures her with pink hair* *... can't D:*
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He should have a tea with Enma and maybe try to inject some cheerfulness to that poor boy.
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He should have a tea with Enma
OH MY GOD, YES. Teach him how to have fun with his new villain status. How to embrace his inner dictator.
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and lol, Byakuran freaking out over finding crotch-high boots was such a nice way to start my day 8)
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And I am glad! See, I thought so too; Byakuran is never a bad way to start the day. XD
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Adelheid seems ...almost sane.
....Nice job.
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OMGOSHHHH BYAKURANNNNN&hearts&hearts I begin to love him moar and moar LOWLS OMGOSH YOU ARE BRILLIANT I LOVE YOU /tackleswithhugs
I fail at humour so I can't write it T__________T But you are so full of win it's unbelievable! :O /claps
Yes, Adelheid, if you really want relief from overly gay and melodramatic mafia family antics, the Vongola are definitely the way to go.
YESSSSSSSS&hearts
Because it's REALLY canon YESSSSSS&hearts
Sorry for being so random, I'm not always like this I swear! THIS POST GAVE ME A GREAT IMPRESSION OF YOU. HECK, I'M JEALOUS. YOU'RE AMAZING AT WRITING&hearts I read a few of your works... they're all oitjeitjoewjtewjrtoewjrioeroieroieuori-ly GOOD. If you understand me, haha. Heck, my posts make me sound like a madwoman! I mean, SUPERBOLDTEXT. THE SHITZ IS GOING DOWN LOWLS /dies
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HE'S SUCH A CHARACTER, ISN'T HE? That crazy guy.
Glad you liked the fics! And thank you! "oitjeitjoewjtewjrtoewjrioeroieroieuori-ly GOOD" has got to be the best review I've gotten in ages, lol. ♥ ♥
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Ohhh yes. Everything to do with Byakuran is basically considered crazy. And It doesn't help that he looks a bit like Niou Masaharu from Prince of Tennis (don't know if you're in the fandom or not, heheee) and he's a crazy dude too. So when my brother and I watch Byakuran appear we're both NIOUUUUUUUU 8DDDDDDD LOWLS. I DON'T MAKE NO SENSE NO MORE /fails
That's good &hearts&hearts Nothing like a good review eh? Just reminds me that I should be writing sometime soon.
but i have so sort out the inbox firstno subject
i'm rarely in the fandom nowadays (o work) but damn you're a gem.
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Crotch-high boots. PFFFFTTT-BWAHAHAHA!
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