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Happy Birthday, Tsuna!
Have some ridiculous bling, kid. It's on me.Title: Finger Half Gloves
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Characters: Tsuna, Giotto, and Enma (with special cameo appearance by Talbot!)
Notes/Warnings: Spoilers through chapter 300; also, warning for general crackiness.
Summary: There's no problem a good old-fashioned shounen upgrade can't solve.
“Hey there, Decimo,” said Giotto, appearing out of thin air and offering a casual salute with his holographic time-traveling arm.
“P… Primo!” gasped Tsuna, standing there gaping like so many Basils. A fly swooped lazily in and out of his mouth.
“I’ve come to unlock your shackles,” Giotto announced.
Tsuna furrowed his brow, although he still determinedly kept his mouth open. “Wha… what? W-wait a sec, didn’t you already do that before?”
“Did I?” said Giotto, holding his hands behind his back and glancing innocuously around the room.
“I’m pretty sure you did…”
“I don’t recall that at all.”
“Remember? It was when I was fighting Byaku—”
“Anyway,” Giotto cut in, waving an impatient hand, “let’s get on with it. Hold out your ring.”
Wisely deciding it was easier to just shut up and obey, Tsuna presented his ring hand. After a couple of flashy teasing panels, a blinding white light faded to reveal that his ring had magically transformed! Into five new rings!
“…What the—”
“It’s your new ring, Decimo!” beamed Giotto.
“I know, but… there are five of them,” pointed out Tsuna because he can count.
“That’s your new upgrade! The more rings, the more power!” Giotto explained.
“…”
“TRY IT OUT,” Giotto said, except he didn’t really say it in all-caps, but all the same, it had a sort of politely threatening air to it that Tsuna thought it best not to ignore.
Reaching into his pocket reluctantly, he popped one of his superhero pills into his mouth. Immediately the familiar orange flame burst into life on his forehead, except that now, peculiarly, it was in the shape of a flickering mushroom cloud.
“Oh! Look at your gloves,” pointed Giotto eagerly. Tsuna looked down, and saw that his mittens had transformed into a pair of those finger half gloves that Lady Gaga wore in the Poker Face video. You know the ones. Or if you don’t, Google them. Anyway, they were covered in sequins and were also emitting little mushroom cloud flames.
“They also glow in the dark,” Giotto remarked.
“…Thanks,” Tsuna mumbled. Giotto just chuckled and slung an arm around his shoulders. Then his face turned unsettlingly serious.
“Decimo,” he said lightly. “Kick his ass for me, okay?”
He indicated Tsuna’s opponent, Enma, who had just been standing there the whole time, I guess. Then, without further ado, Giotto vanished back into Tsuna’s ring. …s.
“…” said Enma noncommittally.
“He…” Tsuna rubbed the back of his head, trying to think how to explain. “He does that a lot.”
Later…
Battered, bruised, and utterly exhausted, Tsuna slumped onto the ground, his spirit broken, along with all five of his brand-new rings. Enma had won. It was all over now.
“Any last words?” asked Enma coldly.
“Not so fast!” spoke a wizened old voice from the shadows. After a moment of agonizing effort, Tsuna managed to lift his head, only to find himself looking into the blind and bandaged eyes of Talbot, expert metal craftsman and magical old guy extraordinaire.
Tsuna briefly wondered if the blood loss was causing him to hallucinate.
“Now let’s see here…” mused Talbot as he rifled through his voodoo pockets. “Sin… Penalty… Brutality… Animality… Fatality…”
“Are you just listing the lyrics of the Mortal Kombat theme?” Enma asked.
“Aha! This will do… Victory!”
“Don’t you mean Flawless Victory?” muttered Enma, but no one was paying any attention to him. Poor kid.
He and Tsuna watched as Talbot gathered the remains of Tsuna’s rings into a pathetic little pile and then dumped the bottle of Victory all over them. There was another flash of brilliant light, and then…
“I present to you, the Vongola Gauntlet, Version XXX!” declared Talbot proudly.
Tsuna stared at his hand, which was covered by a giant armored glove that kinda looked like Sauron’s gloves from the opening scene of Fellowship. You know, before he gets his hand chopped off.
“That is so not fair,” sulked Enma.
“You haven’t seen the half of it!” said Talbot. “Go ahead kid, try it out!”
Tsuna looked terrified, but then remembered the plight of all of his friends who were COUNTING ON HIM, and steeled his resolve. Bracing himself, he swallowed another pill.
A moment later, he stood before the other two wearing a pair of flaming gloves with vicious-looking Wolverine claws on the knuckles. The gauntlets went up to his elbows and were generally goth as all get-out. The most striking thing, though, was the fact that the flame on his forehead appeared to be going supernova.
“Da~mn,” said Talbot.
“That… that’s—” stuttered Enma in disbelief before he noted the fly from earlier hovering close by, and decided to keep his mouth shut.
Tsuna blinked coolly, and his power aura jumped by a mile, sending a wave of energy rippling outward and distorting several televisions in the local area.
“Oh, man,” whistled Talbot appreciatively. He shot a sympathetic look toward Enma. “You are so fucked.”
“Shut up,” Enma said.
“I’m not even using 50 percent of my power,” said Tsuna as another aura ripple breezed over his hair and feathered it just so.
“I GET IT, ALL RIGHT?” Enma glared, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes. “Geez.”
Yeah, I'm pretty sure we all know how that's going to end. XD
And Happy Birthday to
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dramaelf, hasu_messiiah, and larawalker! Also to cleartempest and coconabanana, whose birthdays are coming up tomorrow! BUON COMPLEANNO, AMICI. ♥
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“P… Primo!” gasped Tsuna, standing there gaping like so many Basils.
I died. In the middle of a coffee shop, mind you.
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HOPEFULLY THE COFFEE REVIVED YOU AFTERWARD? XD Heh, thank you; glad you liked it. ♥
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Which is to say, this was hilarious XDD Thanks for writing it! &hearts
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Especially since, as we all know, Reborners have terrible luck with walls.Haha, thank you! ♥
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Thanks for the comment!
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I think I'm going to faint from the laughter. XDDD Damn, stomach hurts so much from laughing--*faints*
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Heh, glad you liked it! ♥
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C'mon!!! The gloves glow in the dark!!!!! *___* hahaha
Oh Talbot, how awesome are you???
I ADOOREEE cracks!!!
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Who wouldn't want glow-in-the-dark 5-finger half gloves with little exploding mushroom clouds, am I right? GET 'EM NOW, THEY'RE GOING FAST.
And for someone who is almost literally a personification of deus ex machina, Talbot is indeed quite awesome. Heh, thanks for the comment, and glad you liked it! ♥
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I love the way the fourth wall crumbles so nicely.
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Thanks for the comment! ♥
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In fact, it should really go find that wall and get some pointers.
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Yama's wall secretly stole all of the fourth wall's badassery, which is why it's so weak now.
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I WANT TSUNA TO GET GAGA GLOVES. Although "Vongola Gauntlet, Version XXX" sounds ... well, you know. Triple X-rated. ...Amano would totally use that.
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VONGOLA GLOVES, VERSION "NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILREN." Lol, and I confess to harboring a secret hope that Amano actually will use that one day, because I wouldn't put it past her. And yeah, you know he could totally rock those Gaga gloves. Or if not him, then Mukuro or someone, at least. I WANT TO SEE THIS.
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AND THANK YOU FOR THE BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT. * Q* you didn't have tooo. <33
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This is the point where I made a loud noise of JOY. |D You are a master at opening lines, I must say.
“It’s your new ring, Decimo!” beamed Giotto.
“I know, but… there are five of them,” pointed out Tsuna because he can count.
“That’s your new upgrade! The more rings, the more power!” Giotto explained.
And this is where I burst out laughing. . . .
“Not so fast!” spoke a wizened old voice from the shadows.
. . . and burst out laughing again. . . .
“Are you just listing the lyrics of the Mortal Kombat theme?” Enma asked.
. . . on next thought, I don't believe I'm ever going to *stop* laughing.
“I’m not even using 50 percent of my power,” said Tsuna as another aura ripple breezed over his hair and feathered it just so.
“I GET IT, ALL RIGHT?” Enma glared, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes. “Geez.”
*is proven right* Oh god, not even using fifty percent of my power, ahahahaha! *dies*
Y-you are the BEST. *_* Please write hilarious awesome makes-my-day-every-time fic for ever, okay. *loves*
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Gaga icon ftw!
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It is so unfair for Enma! T_T
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INDEED, POOR ENMA. But he should have thought of that before he became a supervillain high on revenge.
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this is how a KHR abridged would play out in my head hahahahahhaahhaha!
me thinks Gokudera is also due for some upgrade. something that would compliment lady gaga's gloves. y'know like a belt that'll cock lead instead of cock block or somethin' XD
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And haha, yes. WHAT KIND OF RIGHT HAND MAN DOESN'T HAVE POWERUPS THAT COMPLEMENT HIS BOSS'S POWERUPS. He totally needs to look into that.
Glad you liked the fic, and thank you!
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I like this fic already.
“TRY IT OUT,” Giotto said, except he didn’t really say it in all-caps, but all the same, it had a sort of politely threatening air to it that Tsuna thought it best not to ignore.
I kinda liked this line because dialougue in all caps that is supposed to imply something that is usually never elaborated upon as well as politely threatening air XD
further ado but maybe without further adieu means that there was no extended goodbye? XD
Or if you don’t, Google them
LACK OF FOURTH WALL FTW
less walls means a slightly better chance Yamamoto won't always be unconscious.
distorting several televisions in the local area.
LOL
AND POOR ENMA THE LONG SUFFERING TROOPER FFFF seriously, that kid can never get a break.
This fic is...special XDDD IN AN ENTIRELY GOOD WAY.
This is late, but GRAZI MILLE, AMICO! ♥
god, what incoherency
change to:
dialougue in all caps is supposed to imply something that is usually never elaborated upon
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further ado
ffff goddammit. *EDITS* Thank you for that correction; I make that mistake all the freaking time, even though it's been pointed out before. orz
less walls means a slightly better chance Yamamoto won't always be unconscious.Absolutely. Just doing my part for the Yamamotos of the world.
I have a feeling Enma's life will always be painful in some way or other. XD
This fic is...special XDDD IN AN ENTIRELY GOOD WAY.
HIGH PRAISE. ;_; Haha, thank you! ♥