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These are all masterpieces.
This is something I snagged from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
cleartempest millions of years ago. It's called the Drabble-Matic and is basically like madlibs for bad fanfiction. I came across it while I was cleaning out my bookmarks, and proceeded to have FUN LIKE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE. THIS THING IS AMAZING.DRABBLE THE FIRST:
A Pants In Time
On an ironic and forceful morning, Wall sat in a candy shop. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His nose ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Yamamoto to love someone with an erotic tendon?
Numbly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a quivering glistening pineapple, all on a summer's day. I wish my Yamamoto would pound me, in his own bakaotic* way..."
"Do you?" Yamamoto sat down beside Wall and put his hand on Wall's elbow. "I think that could be arranged."
Wall gasped sulkily. "But what about my erotic tendon?"
"I like it," Yamamoto said cheekily. "I think it's suspicious."
They came together and their kiss was like an exploding famous landmark in a Michael Bay movie.
"I love you," Wall said mercilessly.
"I love you too," Yamamoto replied and vaporized him.
They bought a chihuahua, moved in together, and lived enticingly ever after.
*Aarika, I'm sorry. XD
DRABBLE THE SECOND:
Sextastic Lang Syne
Gokudera sipped soothingly at his drink and stood sextastic behind a bean. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel slimming and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how bracing his heel got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Gokudera knew very well why he was at the party: to see Haru.
Ah, Haru. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her peculiar ear made Gokudera's heart beat like an army of ravenous zombies hell-bent on devouring mankind.
But tonight everyone was masked. Gokudera peered lustily through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Haru. There, he thought, the woman over by the bottle cap, the impish one with the bear mask. It had to be Haru. No one else could look so colorful, even in a bear mask.
She began to walk Gokudera's way and Gokudera started to panic. What if she actually talked to Gokudera?
Haru came right up to Gokudera and Gokudera thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Haru said embarassingly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the turban," Gokudera said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so bountiful.
Just then, an outrageous voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Gokudera's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Haru might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Haru swept Gokudera into her arms, bent him on top of a mountain, and kissed Gokudera confoundingly, slipping him the tongue and groping his forehead.
Gokudera could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out dickishly and pulled Haru's mask off her face. It was Haru! "I knew it was you," Gokudera said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Haru said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Gokudera watched her go. She would be right back, Gokudera was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.
And then they would fall in love.
EVEN IN MADLIB BADFIC GOKUDERA JUST CAN'T WIN. :(
DRABBLE THE THIRD:
Awesomely Tripping
Dino tripped along frumpishly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Mukuro, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a pony hopping along, carrying an iPod in its mouth.
Dino was almost in a glass case of emotion when he came across a haughty cake, lying alone on a radioactive plate. "That must be a treat from my lethal bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked sparkling, so he ate it.
It gave him the most cheesy tingling sensation in his neck. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Mukuro.
When Mukuro came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Dino cried giddily.
"Your shin! And your eye!" Mukuro said. "They're backward! Can't you feel it?"
Dino felt his shin and his eye. They were indeed quite backward. "Oh, no!" Dino said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that haughty cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Mukuro said. "I got you a bridge. It must have been that meandering man who lives nearby. He acts a little sexy, ever since he trembled a belt."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Dino sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Mukuro said nervously, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your shin is really paranoid like that."
"Really?" Dino dried her tears. Dino kissed Mukuro and it was an entirely timid sensation, like an escaped mental patient.
They spent the night having entirely timid sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
At this point I was forced to stop or risk asphyxiation from laughing too hard. XD
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OH MY GOD THESE ARE FANTASTIC.
I AM LAUGHING SO HARD XDDDD
Gokudera could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out dickishly and pulled Haru's mask off her face. It was Haru! "I knew it was you," Gokudera said and took his own mask off.
I don't know why this alone made me laugh the most.
lmfao you are forgiven XD I love the way you used it hahaha
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Lol, probably because he did it dickishly. That's always funny.
I thought it worked pretty well in this context. XD
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I just generated a drabble, too.
Don't ask about the pairing. I really don't know lmao XDThe Battle For The Boxing Gloves
In the river, Ryohei punched his boxing glove. He had been busy with the boxing glove for hours and now wanted nothing more than a drunk cuddle or an entertaining massage from his lover Gokudera.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his enthusiastic Gokudera appeared at the door, grinning extremely.
"Put down the boxing gloves," Gokudera said stupidly. "Unless you want me to punch that boxing glove on your nose."
Ryohei put down the boxing gloves. He was doubtful. He had never seen Gokudera so devilish before and it made him fantastic.
Gokudera picked up the boxing gloves, then withdrew a fart from his earlobe. "Don't be so doubtful," Gokudera said with a devilish grimace. "A kangaroos bit my arm this morning, and everything became crowded. Now with this boxing gloves and this fart I can stupidly rule the world!"
Ryohei clutched his cruel arm angrily. This was his lover, his enthusiastic Gokudera, now staring at him with a devilish earlobe.
"Fight it!" Ryohei shouted. "The kangaroo just wants the boxing gloves for his own enthusiastic devices! He doesn't love you, not the drunk way I do!"
Ryohei could see Gokudera trembling angrily. Ryohei reached out his nose and touched Gokudera's earlobe stupidly. He was enthusiastic, so enthusiastic, but he knew only his cruel love for Gokudera would break the kangaroo's spell.
Sure enough, Gokudera dropped the boxing gloves with a thunk. "Oh, Ryohei," he squealed. "I'm so drunk, can you ever forgive me?"
But Ryohei had already moved in the river. Fairies dancing on flowers at an ungodly late hour in the night, he pressed his nose into Gokudera's earlobe. And as they fell together in a crowded fit of love, the boxing gloves lay on the floor, fantastic and forgotten.
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"Put down the boxing gloves," Gokudera said stupidly. "Unless you want me to punch that boxing glove on your nose."
OMFG RYOHEI YOU'RE EVEN WEARING GLOVES ON YOUR NOSE NOW. NOW THAT IS EXTREME.
A kangaroos bit my arm this morning, and everything became crowded.
Yes, that can happen sometimes.
"Oh, Ryohei," he squealed. "I'm so drunk, can you ever forgive me?"
LMAO. Their love is so pure. <3
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I Saw Mukuro Kissing Santa Claus
Gokudera woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one charming box that looked like a lotion.
Then Gokudera noticed that Mukuro was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Gokudera thought that he would surprise Mukuro. Maybe even sneak up behind him and squick him on his pickled spleen. That always made Mukuro colorful.
Gokudera crept putridly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its expensive lights, and the presents, heaped up extremely, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Mukuro. Kissing someone.
Gokudera was so angry, he picked up a probe from a table and threw it dangly up your butt.
They both looked around.
"Mukuro, you voluptuous moose!" Gokudera yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Gokudera looked and then rubbed his stomach and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Mukuro said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a smelly kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Gokudera said righteously. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be dull."
That seemed reasonable. Gokudera went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, as useless as tits on a boar. He made Gokudera's butt feel all foamy.
"You see?" Mukuro said acidly and Gokudera saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
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Hahaha oh my God this thing will never stop cracking me up. XD MUKURO, YOU VOLUPTUOUS MOOSE.
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Watch out Yamamoto, there are no happy endings with Wall.
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This might just be the greatest sentence of all time. Er, aside from this one:
"Your shin! And your eye!" Mukuro said. "They're backward! Can't you feel it?"
Because this made me laugh really really really hard and I'm not sure why. These are SO FANTASTIC.
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HIS SHIN IS BACKWARD. NOW HE'S A WOMAN, FUCK. XDD Pure literary gold, all of it.
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OH LOL. DOES THIS MEAN THAT ALL WOMEN HAVE BACKWARD SHINS. ... Cause that sounds really painful OH LOL.
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"I love you," Wall said mercilessly.
"I love you too," Yamamoto replied and vaporized him.
WHY IS THEIR LOVE SO TRAGIC ;A; ;A; ;A;
It had to be Haru. No one else could look so colorful, even in a bear mask.
This is so something she would do that it's scary.
Haru swept Gokudera into her arms, bent him on top of a mountain, and kissed Gokudera confoundingly, slipping him the tongue and groping his forehead.
Mountain, forehead. This sentence I don't even --
He reached out dickishly and pulled Haru's mask off her face.
No wonder you lost the girl, Gokudera :|
Dino was almost in a glass case of emotion when he came across a haughty cake, lying alone on a radioactive plate. "That must be a treat from my lethal bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked sparkling, so he ate it.
HOW MUCH LOGIC FAIL -- ADLFHSADLF
Dino felt his shin and his eye. They were indeed quite backward. "Oh, no!" Dino said. "I'm a woman!"
WAT XDDDDD /dying
an entirely timid sensation, like an escaped mental patient.
wat.
t-timid sex ftw...! ;;;
/brb dying
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WHY IS THEIR LOVE SO TRAGIC ;A; ;A; ;A;
IT NEVER ENDS WELL, DOES IT.
This is so something she would do that it's scary.
It really is. A weird bear costume at a masquerade is right up her alley.
Mountain, forehead. This sentence I don't even --
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT IT'S PERFECTLY LOGICAL... ISH.
No wonder you lost the girl, Gokudera :|
OF ALL THE WAYS HE COULD HAVE PULLED THE MASK OFF, HE HAD TO GO WITH DICKISH.
HOW MUCH LOGIC FAIL -- ADLFHSADLF
Sparkling = good for eating.
WAT XDDDDD /dying
You made me lol all over again at this. XDDDDD Apparently laughter is even contagious over the Internet.
Heh, I love this thing so much. *pets drabble-matic*
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