![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Reborn! fic - Indeterminism, Part Two
Title: Indeterminism (Part Two)Rating: R (for language, brief violence, and character death)
Characters: Gokudera, Yamamoto, and a handful of others. No pairings (just love! and friendship!!).
Notes/Warnings: Takes place 5-6 years after the start of the series, and contains spoilers through the end of the Future Arc.
Also, this probably should have been edited more thoroughly, but since parts of this fic will almost certainly be jossed when chapter 314 rolls out, I kind of rushed through the process to get this up this weekend. ;;
Summary: Yamamoto is dead. Which makes the fact that Gokudera can see, hear, and talk to him rather interesting.
Part One
“What was that all about?” I ask Gokudera as soon as we’ve left Irie’s house.
“What was what all about?” he says indifferently as he unlocks the car.
I phase through the door, taking my seat beside him. “‘What would happen if they died?’”
“Just ironing out the details.” He puts the keys in the ignition.
“Hey,” I say a little more firmly, because this is important, after all. He rolls his eyes, but still pauses to listen. “He’s right, you know. Irie. You need to be careful.”
“What, you think I’m trying to get myself killed?”
“I’m just saying, you shouldn’t rush into all this without thinking.”
“For you of all people to tell me that…” His hand instinctively moves toward the side pocket where he used to keep his cigarettes before quitting; then he makes a noise of irritation and turns back to scowl at me. “I’m doing all this for you, you know. Least you could do is show a little fucking gratitude.”
“I am grateful, you know I am. I just don’t want anything to happen to you because of me.”
“Nothing’s going to happen, all right?” He gives a frustrated shake of his head, then starts the engine.
“From what he was saying, it sounds like a whole lot’s going to happen.”
“Nothing’s going to happen that I don’t have under control.”
I frown and turn to look out the window. “All right. Then what’s going to happen to me when you go back?”
Silence. Then he puts the car back in park, and leans his head back against his seat.
“…I don’t know,” he admits.
More silence.
I move my hand to the window. It passes right on through, and I hold it out in front of the rearview mirror, giving a few halfhearted waves back and forth.
To me, the hand looks solid. But to the mirror, there might as well be nothing there at all.
“I still don’t even know if you’re real,” Gokudera says beside me, and I chuckle in spite of myself, because that’s one thing that hasn’t and never will change, at least: that stubbornness of his.
“…Tch. You’re the only idiot I know who’d ever laugh in a situation like this.” I look back at him, and he’s smirking too, ever so slightly. I guess I’m not the only one who laughs at the absurd, sometimes.
“Hey, Gokudera?”
He looks at me questioningly.
“Then, since neither of us really knows what’s going to happen tomorrow… can you do me one favor?”
“…What?”
I give him a small smile. “I’d like to leave a message for Tsuna, and my dad.”
It’s a little embarrassing, I guess, since he’s the one who actually has to do the writing. I give him the login to my email so he can do it from my account, since it’s the simplest way I can think of to convince Dad and Tsuna that the messages really are from me. (It occurs to me that it ought to be enough to convince Gokudera too, but when I mention that to him he just snorts and informs me that only a complete moron would use his birthday as his password.)
In the end, the letters don’t turn out to be all that long. Really just a few I-love-yous, some I’m-sorrys and I’ll-miss-yous, with a don’t-blame-yourself or two mixed in. I tell them both that I’m at peace and I want them to be at peace too. The second part is true. The first… well, I’m working on it.
To his credit, Gokudera isn’t as awkward as I worried he might be. He doesn’t comment on any of it, just writes down what I say, looking as solemn as I’ve ever seen him. When I’m finished, he lets me read over both emails before setting them up to be sent out tomorrow night, right before we put the time-traveling plan in action.
After that, there’s not much the two of us can think to say, so he excuses himself and heads off to bed, while I settle in for another long night of doing nothing, touching nothing, and generally not existing.
I wonder if I really will disappear tomorrow, when he leaves. And I wonder if maybe that isn’t for the best.
“This is unbelievable,” Gokudera says as I nod in stunned agreement.
Irie beams modestly. “I told you, I already had the blueprints worked out; it was just a matter of recreating them and then getting this put together and calibrated. It was really the calibration that took the longest.”
“And you’ve got that all fixed now, right?”
“Pretty sure. Everything checks out.”
Gokudera takes a deep breath. “Okay.” He steps up to the machine, though I can see a hint of nerves starting to settle in now. “Let’s do this before I change my mind.”
“Yeah, me too.” Irie doesn’t look quite as nervous, but there’s definitely some uncertainty there. “First I’ll need to do a scan, though. Please step onto the pad, Gokudera-kun.”
He indicates a circular area on the floor that looks for all the world like one of the teleporter things from Star Trek. Gokudera obediently moves to the platform and stands still.
“Can I ask you one last question?” he says as Irie begins the scanning process.
“Of course.”
“If I do change the timeline by going back… what will happen to this universe when I leave?”
Irie smiles, but I notice he doesn’t meet Gokudera’s eyes when he answers. “Well, to put it metaphorically… save.”
“…Save?”
“Imagine a computer file, Gokudera-kun.”
“All right.”
“Now imagine you want to save that file. In general, there are two options: save, and save as. With the second option, you save all of the new data onto a brand new file. With the first one, however, you simply modify the original file, saving all the new data under the original filename.”
There’s a very heavy pause. Then, “You’re saying that everything in this original timeline…”
“Will be erased. Overwritten, by the new timeline that you create.”
Gokudera looks horrified. “So you’ll all disappear?”
“No, of course not. To be honest, it really won’t affect us at all. You have to understand that the only person who will even remember that there was a change to begin with is you. —Ah, please don’t shake your head, Gokudera-kun; it will throw off the scanner.”
“Fuck the scanner! And just because you won’t remember doesn’t mean anything! You’re basically saying I’m going to wipe you from existence!”
“Gokudera, just calm down for a sec,” I cut in, trying to keep him from getting any more agitated.
“That’s not true! I wouldn’t allow you to do it if that was the case!” Irie’s voice has taken on a decidedly more pleading tone by this point. “Please, just listen! The only thing that will be erased is our memory of what’s happened in this timeline. Everything else will still be here exactly as it was before. It’s more like we’re being reset.” He pauses to wipe his brow. “You’re not destroying anything, you’re just… starting over. Aside from Yamamoto-kun’s fate, everything else will hopefully proceed exactly the same way it did before.”
“Hopefully?” There’s more than a trace of skepticism in Gokudera’s voice.
“There is a slight risk. The butterfly effect is mostly exaggerated, but it does exist. There’s no way to know with one hundred percent certainty what kind of ripple effect even a very small change in the timeline will have. But it’s no greater than the same risk we take whenever we make any choice. You never know for sure if it will turn out for good or bad.”
“Shit.” Gokudera glances over at me for a long moment, and then finally sighs. “…I guess there’s no other way.”
“You don’t have to do this, you know,” I tell him. He just mouths the words ‘shut up’ at me before turning back to Irie.
“If anything, the change you’re enacting is for the better, Gokudera-kun. Just try to keep that in mind. Anyway, it’s not like the rest of us will even know the difference, either way.” He breathes out slowly, then hits a few final keys on his computer. “Okay, the scan’s complete.”
“Great. Now what?”
“Just stay right there. Well, assuming you’re ready to go.”
Gokudera briefly meets my eyes again, then nods. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
“How far back do you want to travel?”
“Eighty-three hours,” Gokudera replies without hesitation.
Eighty-three… eighty-three… so that would be about…
“So approximately noon on Tuesday?” Irie says, inputting the coordinates.
Noon on Tuesday… our meeting with Tsuna. When we talked about the Bartolli family. The last thing I told him I remembered. I shoot him a confused glance; this time, he ignores me. “Yes,” he answers Irie.
“All right.” Irie finishes entering the numbers, then hesitates, looking back at Gokudera. “…This is it.”
Gokudera takes a deep breath, and nods.
“Good luck,” Irie says.
“…Thanks.”
I reach over to Gokudera; my hand passes through his, but he starts at the gesture and looks up at me, seeming to catch its meaning all the same.
“See you on the other side,” I tell him.
“…Yeah.”
Then Irie’s screen flashes ‘CONFIRM’, and he hits ‘Enter’, and the world is swallowed by white light.
Gokudera is staring at me.
I stare back at him. Then blink, and look around.
And then I end up staring at me as well.
“Gokudera-kun?” asks Tsuna uncertainly.
“—Boss!” Gokudera starts, at the exact same moment that I say, “Tsuna!” Tsuna doesn’t give any indication that he’s heard me, but continues to look at Gokudera with concern. Gokudera glances back to me hurriedly, his expression flickering between confusion, panic, and that rapidly calculating look he gets when he’s thinking up a strategy right on the spot.
Then he turns back to Tsuna. “…Sorry,” he stammers. “I lost my train of thought for a second. …Uh, we were talking about…”
“Frank Bartolli,” I fill in. No, wait. He fills in. The other me.
This is really weird.
“Right,” Gokudera is saying. He looks slightly more composed now, though oddly schizophrenic, and I suddenly remember that if the time machine worked the way Irie said it would, Gokudera probably has his hands full just dealing with himself, let alone two of me.
“Wait, you can still see me, right?” I say out loud, hoping desperately that that hasn’t changed.
He shoots a discreet side glance at me in acknowledgement, then turns back to the others. “Bartolli… I don’t think we can trust the guy.”
“You don’t think the money will be enough?” the other me says.
“It still only comes to a fraction of what he was making before we chased his drug guys out of that territory. He’s gotta be pissed.”
“He definitely is,” Tsuna breaks in. “But his family doesn’t have the resources to threaten us, do they?”
“If they tried anything, they’d be wiped out by the retaliation,” Gokudera affirms. For the briefest of seconds he looks stricken; then he continues. “But if he feels like he has nothing left to lose, he might try it anyway.”
“You think he’s that desperate now?”
“I’m just saying, we can’t rule it out. We need to be on our guard.”
“Aren’t we always?” the other me laughs. Gokudera shoots him an odd look that’s sort of a combination of annoyance and unease, but other me doesn’t seem to pick up on it.
Tsuna does, however. “Gokudera-kun?” he says, fixing him with that familiar perceptive Tsuna gaze. When Gokudera turns back to him, he asks, “Is something wrong?”
For a second I’m certain Gokudera is just going to confess everything. But I’ve forgotten how good he can be at keeping everything locked in, because instead he replies, “I just think we should take this seriously, Tenth. I don’t have—”
(a good feeling about this)
“—a good feeling about this.”
I blink. What—
“All right,” Tsuna says. “If you’re that worried, I’ll get Reborn to make sure our people keep—”
(an extra-close watch)
“—an extra-close watch on them.”
And the other me is saying something too, but I can’t make out what, because all of a sudden the room is fading in and out, and I gasp, because it feels like my chest has suddenly been plunged in ice water.
Gokudera turns toward me again just as I fold in on myself, and his face is pale, but not out of concern; it’s because everything is losing its color, its focus. And I need to steady myself, but I can’t touch anything, so I close my eyes for a second, just a second…
When I open them again, everything is back to normal. I breathe a sigh of relief, and instantly feel warmer. Then confusion sets back in and I look around, realizing I’m no longer in the conference room. I’m standing outside the shrine entrance to the base, instead.
And there’s Gokudera, standing only a few feet from me, puffing away on a cigarette. “Hey,” I say, momentarily forgetting about everything else that just happened. “I thought you quit.”
And he spins around so fast he would have probably knocked me over if I were still corporeal. “There you are,” he bursts. “Shit, I thought I really did hallucinate you. What the fuck! One second you’re there, the next you’re gone!”
“Wait, what?” I ask, frowning. “What are you talking about?”
“Back at the meeting, idiot! All of a sudden you said something and grabbed yourself like you were cold and then you just disappeared!”
“Disappeared? But I’m right…” I trail off. I’m right here now, but a moment ago, I was…
“Not to mention, I can’t believe you’re still here to begin with! It’s one thing for you to haunt me when you were actually dead, but to follow me back in time and then be standing there two feet away from your physical fucking body—Okay, what the fuck is going on?!”
“What—” I start to ask, but he interrupts me, seemingly on a completely different tangent then before.
“Why are there two of you?! What the fuck is going on with my head, and what—” He pauses, then takes on an incredulous look. “—Time travel??”
He then goes completely silent for so long that at first I’m concerned, and then very abruptly it becomes the most hilarious thing in the universe.
“Gokudera…” I begin, fighting the urge to crack up, “Are you… arguing with yourself?”
“Shut up,” he says so forcefully that it really does sound like two of him saying it at the same time, and now I do laugh, and once I start it feels so good that it takes me at least a minute to finally get myself back under control again.
Gokudera glares daggers at me. “If you weren’t already a ghost, I would fucking kill you.”
I’m trying to calm down, really I am, but I still can’t help giggling a bit more. “O… okay,” I manage at last.
“Fucking hell.” He pauses, taking another long drag from his cigarette, then sighs. “And I can’t believe I’m going to be stuck like this for another week. Fucking Irie.”
“So what’s it like, exactly?” I ask.
“Like there’s two fucking people in my head,” he says, fixing me with a look of supreme exasperation. “The fuck kind of stupid question…”
I grin. “Maybe this is a good chance for you to get to know yourself better.” He glares at me even harder, if possible, and I wave my hands pacifyingly. “I’m serious! You’re a really great guy, you know. Maybe this can help with, like… your self-esteem…”
“Oh my God,” he groans, flailing his own hands around like he wants nothing more in the world than to strangle me right here and now (I’ve never seen him look more Italian). “I mean it, you know. The second I stop that fucking asshole from shooting you, I’m going to turn around and do it myself. Maybe then I’ll finally have some goddamn peace… oi. Yamamoto? Oi, what the hell…?”
I blink a few times; the room’s started to fade again. “What’s going on?”
“You’re turning all translucent, like you’re fading out,” Gokudera says, now looking thoroughly alarmed. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know…” I look down at my hands; to me they don’t seem any paler than the rest of the world around them, but if Gokudera says I’m fading… I look back up at him, at a loss.
“Fuck, it’s happening again,” he says, panicked, and the world gets brighter again suddenly, and I open my mouth to say I think it’s okay, it’s starting to pass… and then I realize I’m no longer there. I’m on a street, and the light has changed from the bright of afternoon to the reddish tinge of early evening—
(this is where it happened)
—and I’m on the ground but I can’t remember how I got there, and the sun’s in my eyes, and then Gokudera is there, cursing, yelling at me but I can’t understand what he’s saying, and his hands are pressing on my chest—
(he can touch me)
—they feel wet, slippery, and I try to take a breath, and it hurts, and he says something else, but then suddenly the pain is gone…
And I’m back in Gokudera’s apartment…
(you’re dead, idiot)
And then back on the teleporter pad…
(approximately noon on Tuesday)
—and then—
—everything is dark.
I look around frantically, trying to orient myself. As soon as the residual panic wanes, I take a breath of relief, realizing I’m back in the apartment again. Okay. I can deal with that.
I then look around for the one constant that’s been there ever since this ghost thing started happening, and sure enough, Gokudera is seated on the couch a few feet away, his attention focused on the dim glow of his laptop screen. I lean in to see what he’s studying so intently; it looks like a map of a downtown intersection.
Weird; I wonder how long he’s been at it. “What time is it?” I say aloud, and his head snaps in my direction just like before. But this time he doesn’t curse me out; only stares at me for a long moment before he turns back to the computer again.
“What does it look like?” he says at last. “It’s the middle of the fucking night.” He sighs, pulling his glasses off to rub at one of his eyes. Then he says, quietly, “You were gone for more than twelve hours.”
“I don’t remember it,” I confess. “Just, one second I was in the shrine, and the next…”
He doesn’t look at me when he says, “…Maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe it means that this is working. —Is going to work.”
I wonder what that means for me, then decide I don’t really want to think about it right now. “What about you?” I ask, changing the subject. “Still all Doctor Hyde?”
“Doctor Jekyll,” he corrects, giving me a Look. But a moment later, he says, “…It’s not as bad as it was before. Starting to get used to it, I guess. Still annoying as hell, though.”
“You’re not going to smoke anymore, are you?”
Another Look. “Just checking,” I amend.
He shakes his head and turns back to the screen. I follow his gaze again, and suddenly it hits me why he’s looking at a map.
“That’s where it happened.”
He looks at me, surprised. “You remember?”
“Bits and pieces.” I try to concentrate. It’s almost there, but I can’t quite grasp it yet.
He’s looking at me apprehensively. Trying to hide it, of course, but it’s Gokudera.
“…Well, we’re going to stop it,” he says at last.
“Yeah,” I reply, because I can’t think of anything else to say.
“You look tired,” he says. Still looks concerned.
“I am,” I say truthfully. It’s the first time I’ve been tired in days. Ever since this started.
“Maybe because of the time travel thing? I mean, we still don’t really know how that worked.”
It feels like there’s a whole lot of things I don’t know. I shrug, but don’t reply. He’s starting to get uncomfortable, I can tell, and I feel a little guilty; it’s not often that he ends up being the one trying to keep a conversation going. But there’s just so much going on, so much to think about, and it feels like I’m running out of time to put it all together.
“When does it happen?” I say at last.
“…Tomorrow afternoon. Just after four.”
“So… we should probably get some rest now.”
He doesn’t even argue. “Yeah.” He hesitates for a moment, then sighs and folds his laptop closed. He stands up, but still seems to be hanging back, unsure.
“…You gonna be all right?” he says at last.
I have no idea.
“Yeah,” I tell him.
“Okay. …Good night, I guess.”
I wait until he closes the door to his bedroom, then close my eyes and breathe out slow.
I’m running through the street; it’s late afternoon once more. There’s an instant where I almost have another freeze-up moment, wondering how I got here. Then I realize I must have blacked out again.
Which means Gokudera… I scan the street up and down, looking for any sign of him, then hesitate. Was I looking for him… or…?
Someone else. That’s right. There’s someone else I’m after—
(the guy with the gun)
—of course—he’s the one—I have to stop him—where is he—
There.
And I’m moving already, running on instinct even before I can fully process what I’m seeing. It’s like everything’s moving in bullet time. I see him lowering the window of the car he’s in, and I move closer. He takes aim with his rifle from the backseat, and I move closer. His target takes a step forward behind me—Gokudera—
—he’s aiming at Gokudera—
—the target is Gokudera—
—and he makes a final adjustment—
—and I move closer—but not enough, it’s not enough—
—and he squeezes the trigger.
A split-second later, Shigure Kintoki cleaves his neck from his shoulders. And I stumble back, the world spinning around me.
And I’m on the ground…
(I remember now)
And the sun’s in my eyes…
—but it’s early, just after dawn, and the light is bleeding in through the window blinds.
I’m back in the apartment.
I am on the floor, though. And Gokudera is crouching in front of me.
I blink at him.
“You were asleep,” he says. He doesn’t look like he’s gotten much sleep himself.
“I remember,” I tell him.
He’s quiet. Then he sits down beside me.
“How much?” he asks.
“You didn’t tell me he was aiming for you.”
He stiffens. “I didn’t…” He shifts guiltily, avoiding my gaze. “…It doesn’t matter,” he says at last.
“I know.”
He doesn’t reply.
“Is that what this is all about?” I ask him.
“Shut up.”
“Because it wasn’t your fault, you know. The guy came out of nowhere, it just happened. There wasn’t any time to react differently—”
“I said shut up,” he hisses, but I can’t, because I know him too well, and there’s a twisting fear working its way into my gut. I don’t want him to get hurt.
“Just tell me you’re not gonna do anything stupid.”
“I told you, I don’t have a fucking death wish, all right?” He pushes himself to his feet.
“But you think that’s why I’m haunting you, don’t you? Because it was supposed to be you? And I’m saying, that’s not true!”
He opens his mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. He just stands there, breathing slowly.
“…You don’t know that for sure,” he says at last.
I look him straight in the eye. “I’d rather be a ghost forever.”
“That’s because you’re a fucking self-martyring idiot.”
Look who’s talking, I think, but what I say is, “Neither of us has to be, Gokudera. That’s my point. We know how it’s going to happen now, so all we have to do is change things around, so that we’re not on that street, or we leave at a different time.”
“No,” he breaks in, “we can’t change anything around. It has to be the same.”
“What, because of the timeline?”
“Because this is what we know,” he says, and at last he sounds confident about something. “That intersection. That car. That time. If we’re not there, then what? The fucker goes and ambushes us at some other place and time, and we lose the only fucking advantage we’ve got.”
“Okay, so then we tag the guy before he can do anything. I’m just saying, we don’t have to trade places!”
“What exactly do you think I’m planning to do, Baseball Idiot?”
Kill yourself for me. The same as I’d have done if it were you.
But what I say is, “Gokudera… it’s no good if both of us don’t make it out alive.”
And it scares me that I can’t physically do anything to stop him, that the most I can do is try as hard as I can to persuade him and then hope to hell he’ll keep his word. Because he can’t do this, he can’t.
And he is listening, but I can see that in the back of his mind, he’s reluctant to put this away completely. Because we’re too similar, the both of us, when it comes to things like this. Both too stubborn.
But he can’t. He can’t.
It seems like an eternity before he finally meets my eyes again, but…
“…Okay. Fine. Shoot the guy before either of us gets hit. And both of us make it out alive.”
…Neither of us is any good at giving up, either.
I smile, giving in to the tide of relief flooding through me.
“And then it’ll finally be over,” I say.
“I sure as hell hope so,” he answers.
It’s both the longest and the shortest day of my life.
Or, you know. Unlife.
The tension is unimaginable, and all day, I can’t seem to shake this sort of jumpy, shaky feeling, the kind I sometimes get before a big game. The hours seem to drag by, and it’s made all the worse by the fact that I still can’t do anything, and the only person who can even hear me has to pretend that I don’t exist.
On the other side of things, the dizzy, fade-out feeling from yesterday hasn’t gone away. Has only gotten stronger, in fact, so that one second I’ll be standing next to Gokudera in a hallway, and the next I’ll find myself in a different room more than an hour later. And all I need to do is look at his face to confirm that I disappeared, yet again.
It’s clear that something is happening, but I don’t have a clue what. And it’s not just the fading out, either. I’m also remembering more and more, getting feelings of déjà vu during random moments and conversations. I’ll be watching the other me do or say something, and all of a sudden I’ll remember saying it myself. Piece by piece, my mind is finally starting to fill in the blanks.
Just in time for the grand finale.
Four o’clock, Gokudera said, and I remember that now, too. The way the day was just beginning to fade. The way the traffic was just starting to build. Just enough to help the sniper’s car blend in, to keep us from spotting him until it was too late.
Not this time, though.
(this time I’ll save him)
And I frown, because there was something else just now, something important.
The last piece of the puzzle.
And it’s close, so close, on the tip of my tongue, almost…
(the target is Gokudera)
And there it is, I have it, just for a second, I have it—
—and then—
—I’m on the street.
The street. The same street.
I start to panic.
Is this real? Am I remembering?
And I fling my arm out wildly, not even thinking, and it passes through a fire hydrant, of all things.
Not a dream, then. This is happening. This is happening now.
“This is it,” says a voice beside me, and I spin around—it’s Gokudera. “You were gone again,” he says, more quietly. But he barely even glances at me before he returns his hawk-eyed gaze to the street, and I realize—this really is it.
He’s looking for the car.
Looking for the guy with the gun.
I should be too, it occurs to me. And a second later, I realize that I already am. Because there he is, standing just a few feet away from Gokudera. The other me.
I sure hope you have better luck than I did, I can’t help but think at him.
And for what it’s worth, he’s on guard, just as much as Gokudera is. Gokudera must have told him, finally. Or at least he told him enough to know what to look for.
And we’re doing it all so obviously, in fact, that I almost wonder whether a sniper with any common sense would try to go through with the hit at all. I’m just about to open my mouth to say so, even.
And that’s when I see him. In the car.
Lowering the window.
And there’s no time.
“Ten o’clock,” I say hurriedly, and then again, louder: “Gokudera, ten o’clock.”
And his box weapon is already out, so fast it’s just a red blur—
And the other me has seen the car, too, and he’s starting to move—
“No!” Gokudera shouts, and his shields are out now, and the C.A.I. is locked on. “Get down!”
—do it, listen to him, please listen—
—and I do—he does—and so do a bunch of the bystanders—
And Gokudera fires.
And he hits the gun, which explodes in the sniper’s face.
And my heart is pounding a million beats per minute, but—we did it.
We did it.
And I look at Gokudera, and he looks at me, at both of us, elated, and the other me starts to climb to his feet—
And that’s when the second sniper fires.
My last moments are drawn out in unbearable detail.
The bullet hurtles through my neck before I can fully stand, arresting my momentum as I rise, sending me toppling backwards instead. Two more bullets arrive before I even hit the ground.
And as I do, a shout lashes through the air, not my voice, but Gokudera’s. Simultaneously a cry of devastation and a howl of pure rage. And he spins, and the man who shot me—the other man, the second sniper who was there all along, must have been, but we never knew it—is already in full sprint, running for his life. And it makes absolutely no difference to Gokudera, who dispatches him in less time than it takes to blink. Still roaring in outrage.
Because of course, it’s already too late.
And he’s turning again, even as his target collapses, and he drops to his knees beside me, the other me, and his hands are pressing down to stem the flow of blood from my throat and chest, and his mouth’s still moving but now there’s no sound coming out. And it doesn’t matter, because other people are screaming now, too, bystanders from all around, some moving in closer and others backing away from the scene as though their lives depend on it.
Gokudera’s lips are still moving, and now I can make out the intended words, a stream of “no, no, no”s. Not even cursing, just pleading. And he’s trying, pushing down hard, but the blood is everywhere, there’s no stopping it.
And none of it matters anyway, because I’m already dead. Was before I even hit the pavement. And he can’t see it yet, won’t, but he’ll realize soon enough.
And I watch it all, rooted in place, never moving an inch from where I stood when the man fired.
I watch it all, and at the same time, none of it.
Because what I see is not me lying dead on the ground.
What is I see is Gokudera.
Gokudera, covered in blood.
Gokudera lying dead.
(my fault)
And I remember it all now, I remember—
—I remember—
It was Gokudera who they shot.
Gokudera who they killed.
Killed him because I was too slow, because I couldn’t save him in time.
Not my fault, everyone said. Tsuna, Reborn, Dad. Even Bianchi forgave me eventually, after Reborn intervened, talked with her.
They forgave, but I couldn’t. Couldn’t forget, either. Night after night, I saw it happen in my dreams. The car, the shooter. Me running. Not fast enough.
Again and again, I saw him die. And I saw him live, too, and all the ways I could have saved him, could have done it differently.
And it was months before I thought of time travel, before I thought of Irie, before I finally convinced him it could be done, and finally convinced him I needed to do it.
I’d already convinced myself.
And then the machine, and the platform. We set the date—
(approximately noon on Tuesday)
—and I was there again, back again, with him—
—alive—
—and there were two of me in my head, but it was all right, I explained what we had to do—
—and just after four the next day, sure enough, there was the car—
—and I saw him, this time, I saw him—
(but not the second one)
(neither of us ever noticed the second one)
—almost in time to save us both; fast enough to save him…
But not fast enough to save myself.
(what would happen if they died?)
(I can’t say for sure. But it probably wouldn’t be good)
But it was okay; he was the important one. I changed that part, I saved him…
(like there’s two fucking people in my head)
Only…
(if your consciousness had a physical body to anchor itself to…)
(you’re a ghost that’s haunting me, specifically)
Only, I think part of me got left behind.
I’m back in the apartment again.
And he’s there too, of course. Gokudera. Sitting hunched with his forehead resting on his hand, his other hand fiddling idly with a cigarette lighter. Lost, defeated. Beaten down by the situation that I forced him to be in.
And I remember all the months I spent reliving his death, and then I think one of the most selfish things I’ve ever thought: I don’t regret what I did. Even if he’s hurting because of it. Because at least he’s alive to do that much.
He notices me then, before I can say anything to him, and his eyes take on focus once more. And what he says to me is: “I’ll try again.”
And what I want to say to him back is, It’s not your fault.
And, It’s my fault, I’m sorry.
And, I’m glad you’re okay, please always be okay.
And I want to explain everything that’s happened, explain to him why I’ve been a burden on him for the past five days, and exactly what’s really going on.
But I can’t. Because once again my senses have been plunged in ice, and the world around me is starting to flicker, and everything is beginning to go faint.
And now I finally understand why. Because it’s been just about a week, after all.
And that’s all the time I had.
So instead, I swallow back the rest of it, the guilt and the regret.
And I tell him: “…Don’t give up, okay?”
Because I know now exactly what I’m leaving him to. And I know how hard it will be.
But…
(it’s no good if both of us don’t make it out alive)
…But he’s stubborn, after all.
Just like me.
I meet his eyes, and he nods, biting his lip but saying nothing more.
And then…
Nothing.
Gokudera pauses by the curb, and does a long, thorough scan of the street.
“Looking for something?” I ask.
“Huh?” He looks up.
“You’ve been doing that an awful lot lately,” I say. Ever since that assassination attempt last Wednesday, in fact. But I don’t mention that part.
He makes a face and looks away. “It’s fine. Mind your own fucking business.”
I laugh, slinging an arm around his shoulders. “Hey, hey. Anyone ever tell you that you worry too much?”
To my surprise, he doesn’t try to shove me off. “That’s because you don’t worry enough,” he grumbles.
“Hmm… then I guess it’s a good thing I’ve got you to look out for me, right?”
He makes a noncommittal noise in response. But there’s an expression on his face that I can’t describe, when he looks back at me. Surprised, thoughtful, maybe even a little touched. It’s strange, because normally he doesn’t open up that easily. But he’s been acting like this a lot these last few days.
I chuckle softly, and grip his shoulders a little tighter, since he’s still not pushing me away. “Everything okay?” I ask as lightheartedly as I can. Letting him know that if he wants to talk about it, it’s okay. And if not, that’s fine too.
He’s quiet for a long moment.
“…I’ll tell you someday,” he says at last.
“Okay,” I smile, because if he says he will, he will. “So that’s a ‘yes’, then?”
And whatever it is that’s on his mind, whatever else he may be hiding, when he looks at me to answer, I know that this, at least, is the absolute truth.
“Aa,” he says. “Everything’s fine.”
- Haha, so. DID ANY OF THAT MAKE ANY SENSE? I had these long, elaborate notes written out explaining exactly what happened there in the end, but since Shouichi's hours-long time travel explanation already violated the "show, don't tell" rule more than enough, I tried my best to avoid straight-up exposition. If anything was particularly unclear, feel free to ask/comment and I'll do my best to answer.
- I swear I do not get my jollies from killing off Yamamoto, really. XD It's just that I love all of the resulting angst too much. Especially when it involves Gokudera, and especially the kinder/gentler/fuzzier Gokudera from post-Future Arc.
- WAY TO BRING BACK BYAKURAN RIGHT WHEN I'M ON THE VERGE OF FINISHING MY FIRST-EVER FIC THAT ACTUALLY BREAKS THE LJ POST LIMIT AND HAPPENS TO FEATURE A CAMEO FROM HIM, AMANO.
...and okay, I think that's all now.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2010-11-07 12:11 am (UTC)(link)But I just want to say I love this fic. It's amazing. Absolutely. I love how you weaved it all together and the whole shock at the very very end about how Yamamoto did the exact thing as Gokudera thing (exactly how you foreshadowed it before hand of how same they are and aahhhhh), it was just absolutely wonderful!! It's amazing. Really. I love it.
And, there was this whole moment of me going, nooooooooooooo, Yamamoto is going to be dead and stay dead because of how he's going, sorry that I have to leave Gokudera in this grieving stage as I have to go back to the future and yeah.
The epilogue is lovely too, hinting at the past/future they left behind, of secrets and just it shows so much of their character! But may I just ask, how in the end did they stop the second sniper?
Thank you!
no subject
As for your question, Gokudera stopped the second sniper much in the same way he eventually stopped the first--by figuring out where he was (he calculated the trajectory of the bullets, I think) and blasting the shit out of him before he could hit them. Surprise was really the only element the two gunmen had on their side. (Incidentally, the reason sniper #2 never showed up the first two times is because he bailed once his partner got killed. He would have done the same thing the third time too, except he didn't want to face his boss without having offed at least one of the Vongola first. That wouldn't have gone well for him. XD)
Again, thanks so much for the comment! :)
no subject
no subject
no subject
Your use of first person POV really made the difference in you fic. It managed to show Yamamoto's thoughts and his view about Gokudera is good too.
no subject
Anyway, thank you very much for the comment! :)
no subject
no subject
no subject
Loved your characterisation, loved the Yamamoto POV. It really was a nicely put together and thought out fic.
no subject
So happy you liked it, and thanks again for the comment! ♥
no subject
I confess that sometimes I got really lost, but I could understand everything in the end. I couldn't stop reading it, and that's what makes a good story.
I love 8059 so much, and I loved your fic, even if there's no romance between them.
no subject
I love them too, heh. Thank you! :)
no subject
no subject
Thank you very much for the comment--glad you liked it! ♥
no subject
It made sense, it flowed and jerked at the same time, in this entirely effective way. Your dialogue is as crisp and sharp as it always is. And, of course, the characterization. I hope you already know all of this. My favorite writer in this fandom, hands down, and it's always so exciting when you post something new. ♥
no subject
...I can't really think of anything else to say, heh. Just, I'm so, so glad you liked this, and thank you so much. :)
no subject
The little things made this a wonderful read- of course Yamamoto's simple-minded pov, and your Gokudera's dialogue. I don't really care much for Goku or Yamamoto as characters (is shot, HAHA), but reading your Gokudera made me respect him a little more.
And I've always wanted to see him interact with Irie and Byakuran, since they're some of the smartest mafia members in the series. Naturally Yamamoto would be completely lost xDD
no subject
for me it's Hibari and Xanxus ;;, so rest assured that I won't be doing any shooting, heh. I'm happy you liked my characterizations regardless. (And yeah, I've always wanted to see the geniuses of the series get a little more interaction with each other. The only ones who are really buddies are Shou and Spanner, which is too bad. ...Well, not that anyone really wants to be buds with Byakuran, but still. XD)Thanks for the comment! ♥
(no subject)
(no subject)
no subject
I was just a little confused about the end. Did Gokudera go back to try again after they figured out there were two snipers? Oh god, I'm going to have to read this again when I have time to actually sit down and take it all in.
Ah, and made me so happy that Yamamoto is the one who originally thought to ask Irie about the backwards time travel. That boy is definitely smarter than he lets on. ^^
ASDFASDF SO MUCH LOVE FOR THIS!!!! <3
no subject
And he did! He had to wait until his temporary mental issues sorted themselves out, since Shouichi wouldn't let him go back until his mind was finished merging (lord knows what would have happened then, after all. THREE GOKUDERAS, or something even more fucked up), but after that he went through the entire song and dance a second time, and this time he finally got it right, all snipers having finally been accounted for. And I like to think he tracked down the Bartolli boss afterward and fucked his shit up too, just cuz. YOU DON'T MESS WITH MY FAMIGLIA GODDAMMIT. >(
Heh, yep. And he didn't have any ghosts prompting him to do so, either. So good on him. He made a good decision, even if it did result in hugely complex and unforeseen consequences. XD
Thanks for the comment! :)
no subject
XD Yamamoto is a merciless bastard sometimes. It is easy to forget this, because he makes the :D :D :D face regardless, but wow. God, they are both so stubborn.
The part with Gokudera's ghost detection equipment that he just happens to keep in the closet was amazing. The Yomiuri Giants part made me laugh out loud and I'm not sure why, unless it was because only Yamamoto. ONLY YAMAMOTO. Come on Gokudera, your subconscious would never have come up with the Giants at a time like that. XD
“It might be dangerous,” I say, feeling a need to be the voice of caution since he’s the only one of us who still has a life to risk, after all.
“Yeah,” he replies. He turns to look back at the room where my body is, then seems to make up his mind. “…But fuck it.” *screams*
And I loved Yamamoto freaking out because he actually, honestly is dead. And Gokudera marching into the prison like he owns it. And Byakuran being a dick. And "I thought you quit." XD Yamamoto's priorities, they are unique. And Gokudera arguing with himself! He would, too. It's kind of a miracle he got ANYTHING done. :D
Anyway, this was beautiful and horrible and funny as hell, and it made me miss Yamamoto and Gokudera together so much. ;_; And if Amano really hates us all (...), what she'll do now is, she'll have Byakuran randomly whisk Yamamoto away to any undisclosed location for like ten goddamn chapters and I will have to HUNT HER DOWN. It is my latest nightmare.
Hah, I was supposed to do work tonight, but. I think I may reread this instead. WORK, WHO NEEDS IT? :D
no subject
I love all the different sides to Yamamoto, and yeah, merciless bastard is one of them. But he always has reasons! Like all the rest of them, he just kind of flips his shit whenever one of his friends get hurt. And I love writing that part of him along with the derpy part.
The ghost hunting bit was so much fun to write, haha. Gokudera at his nerdiest, and Yamamoto at his most "lol what is this I don't even, oh well." With a fic this angsty, it was good to get some humor in there as well.
AND I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKED ALL OF THOSE OTHER SCENES, and I'm basically just grinning now and going "eeeeeeee :D :D", lol. Oh man, I miss the Yamamoto/Gokudera interaction from the good old days so much too. ...though I might not mind so much if Byakuran kidnaps Yamamoto, so long as we actually get to see what happens (instead of, you know, going back to the happenings on Shimon Island NOT KNOWING, gah that would kill me), because I can't help but think that a Byakuran/Yamamoto mini arc would be COMPLETELY FUCKING AMAZING. Just so long as Byakuran deposits Yamamoto back on said island once all's said and done, because we need a reunion of the main character trio already.
--ANYWAY, here I am getting into tangents about the manga when I'm supposed to be replying to your comment; what the hell am I doing. XD Thank you so much; I'm so glad you liked the fic. ♥ ♥
And I apologize for any procrastination I may have enabled, though I hope it was at least enjoyable procrastination (well, then again, is there any other kind?), heh. ♥no subject
Great job. :)
no subject
Thanks again--glad you liked it! ♥
no subject
Not going to lie though, would have loved some slash in there.
no subject
And heh, apologies for the lack of slash. It's not that I don't ship them (far from it); I'm just not all that good at writing romance in general. That, and in a situation like this, I really wanted to portray their friendship first and foremost, because that's what really makes me wibble when it comes to them.
Anyway, thank you very much for the comment! ♥
no subject
I love these two, so much. There are just no words.
Also ummm BYAKURAN LOVE. Hell yes! Being just as much of a passive agressive asshole as he always is. I enjoyed the way he interacted with Gokudera. His reappearance in the manga already has me excited enough because the character interactions are going to be EPIC. I want Yamamoto to wake up and be like WTF BYAKURAN. SHIT.
I loved this. So much. You are awesome.
no subject
It really captured the spirit of these characters: so stubborn, not even the finality of death will stop them.
Yes, exactly! When I originally had the idea for this story, it started as a "hmm I wonder what would happen if I wrote a Sixth Sense-type scenario for KHR", and then I realized that with these characters, what what probably happen in a situation like that is that they'd just plain refuse to go along with it. And then the time travel idea occurred to me, and I was like, "OOH! OOH!" and it all sort of spiraled from there. XD
And I'm so glad you liked the Byakuran scene, heh. After he made his guest appearance in the last chapter I was ready to facepalm and was even thinking about dropping that scene from the fic entirely, since it's not really necessary in the grand scheme of things. But I love his dickishness too much to cut him. I honestly think he might be my favorite character to write, after Yamamoto. He's just such a tool; it's awesome.
Thanks so much for the comment, and I'm glad you liked the fic! ♥
(no subject)
(no subject)
no subject
Man, you are awesome~ \o/ I kinda felt like Mocchan for a sec there when Irie was going on about that time travel thing, but it's not the details that matter much to me, it's the story. :3 I ADORE 8059 to pieces, and I love their non-kissy-kissy-goo-goo/non-smut stories because those are more believable. (≧ω≦)
WAY TO MAKE ME MORE EXCITED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER. XDDD Hah, Byakuran calling Gokudera "Goku-chan" is gold. XDD (I'd love to see that in canon, lol.).
Thanks for the ride, it was EPIC. +｡:.ﾟヽ(´∀`｡)ﾉﾟ.:｡+ﾟ
Oh, and write more fics like this. And like those crack!pokemon stuff too. I love those. |D
no subject
Thank you! S-sorry about the "BLAH BLAH TIME TRAVEL COMPLEX RULES BLAH BLAH" part of this. It was necessary for the twist in the end, but all the same, there were times when I was writing it where all I could think was, "sob, this is almost as bad as The Phalaenopsis Paradox; AMANO IS RUBBING OFF ON ME OR SOMETHING." XD
I ADORE 8059 to pieces, and I love their non-kissy-kissy-goo-goo/non-smut stories
YES. o/ Same here. I like slashy fics too, but I'll always be a gen fan first. I was initially drawn to the characters because of their friendships, so that's what I like to write best.
Glad you liked the fic, and thank you! ♥
no subject
I really like how this is told from Yamamoto's POV...I felt like I could literally see him piecing everything together in his head. And your characterization was spot on. I love how Gokudera keeps ghost hunting equipment in his closet (you know this is totally canon) and his initial reaction at having two of himself in his own head.
The only thing I couldn't quite wrap my head around was how the part of Yamamoto that got left behind after he was killed was also able to go back in time with Gokudera the second time around.
I think this is one of my fave KHR fics ever. &hearts
no subject
Glad you liked the characterization; these two (along with Byakuran) are my favorites to write, so I always try my best to do them justice. And yes, Gokudera keeping ghost hunting equipment in his closet is absolutely canon, and if I wasn't so burnt out on the whole ghost thing after finishing this, I might even be tempted to write a whole fic where the gang is just ghost hunting for the lulz. Because supernatural nerd!Gokudera always cracks me up, heh.
And you picked up on the one element on the plot that I pretty much totally BSed and hoped people wouldn't notice, lol. Since you bring it up, I'll just copy/paste my notes for that part (I literally sat down and typed out the question "HOW was he able to time-travel again? Was he anchored to Dera’s physical body or his consciousness? If the former, why didn’t he stay behind/get wiped over when Dera’s consciousness left his body? If the latter, why didn’t he die when his other consciousness died?" and then struggled to come up with an answer that made at least a tiny bit of sense):
"Yamamoto didn’t anchor to Dera’s body or consciousness; he anchored to both. They were part of a single package at the time. And he did it because with his body’s death he lost his grip on the universe and Dera was the natural way to recover it. When Dera started to travel back and “universe two” started to get wiped clean, Yama anchored to Dera’s consciousness and hitched a ride instinctively again, to save himself. But his hold isn’t as strong now. He’ll probably experience blackouts, more frequent moments of disconnect."
...which is basically just COMPLETE BULLSHIT, but. It was necessary for the plot, so. XD I hope it doesn't detract from the fic too much, heh.
Thank you so much for the comment (that's seriously high praise!), and I'm glad you liked it! ♥
(no subject)
(no subject)
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
Yeah, don't even worry, it made perfect sense to me! Which is one of the things I loved most about it. I really felt like you put a lot of thought into making the whole time travel pitfall of paradoxes make some modicum of sense. I always appreciate that in a fic.
And I do so love it when the two of them get together and become this insanely awesome team of competence, determination, and friendship. Even more so when Shouichi is involved (which stems from my deep-seated desire to see Shouichi and Gokudera eventually bond over their mutual genius and love of music to then form a friendship of math, music, and nerdy badassery). Bonus!Asshole!Byakuran is always welcome.
But dear God am I happy you put in the epilogue. After an entire fic centred around their brilliant plan to Keep Yamamoto (and Gokudera. I really ought to have seen that one coming...) Alive, only to see it fail! I could not have taken.
Um, yes. So. A+, MY LOVELY, A+.
no subject
Heh, I am a huge sucker for a good time travel story, so yeah, I spent a lot of time figuring out a system where everything would more or less make sense and which would allow for the plot twist at the end. And as a bonus, I got to write Amano-style exposition explaining the whole damn thing, which was strangely fun. "YOU SEE, IT WORKS LIKE THIS AND THIS. AND DON'T WORRY, I CAN HAVE THE MACHINE UP AND READY FOR YOU IN 24 HOURS BECAUSE I'M IRIE FUCKING SHOUICHI AND THAT'S HOW I ROLL, MY FRIENDS." XD
And I absolutely love Yamamoto and Gokudera's friendship/epic teamwork as well. Writing this was good therapy after having missed this sort of interaction in the manga for so long. So I'm glad I'm not the only one who enjoys it. :) (Heh, I've always thought Shou and Gokudera had a lot in common as well. And of course Byakuran is always welcome to come along and be a dick. Anytime, anyplace, man.)
Haha, and as for the epilogue, there was no way I couldn't have written it. I did contemplate ending the fic at Yamamoto's fade-out for like two seconds, and the thought almost made me cry. I really love these characters too much to ever not give them a happy ending. I've only ever written one fic that did have a purely tragic ending, and even that will eventually be undermined
ifwhen I finally get off my ass and finish writing the sequel. ...but I really should shut up about that. XDThanks so much for the comment--glad you liked it! ♥
no subject
Okay, so first of all, this idea itself is insane and yet you wrote it in a way that was so...khr. This is probably the fic that feels the most like...I'm reading the manga in text. I could see all of it actually happening, every part, all the dialogue, it was so fitting which made it terribly easy to visualize. Which of course made me tear up at the end gfjskhdg MY HEART. Why must you do this to it ;A;
Your characterization is still awesome. Byakuran. Just, Byakuran.<3 And Irie too fdjhs and all the nerdy confusing time travel talk gjhgskj I loved it. And of course Gokudera and Yamamoto were spot on, all of them were (even Tsuna for his five seconds of worry).
The whole second part just made me flail all over the place. SUSPENSE! Not knowing how cruel you were gonna be with it (and in what way)! And I was just expecting anything and then. The way it turned out (that Gokudera initially died and the time travel was tried, not Yama). It was such a twist but it made a lot of sense and then dghgshkgs (I'm sorry half of this comment is keyboard smashing but I really can't think of any other way to say what's on my mind XDD).
I loved feeling this whole thing from Yamamoto's point of view, feeling those deja vu moments, seeing the whole thing unraveled. Of course, it was painful to, but good to read somehow at the same time (if that even makes sense). And it was all really well written.
I adore this fic like nobody's business, thank you for writing and sharing it! &hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts And congrats on beating the lj post limit! \o/ (and sorry this comment is all over the place ffff)
no subject
Oh man, I tried so hard to keep things as close to canon as possible, from the character interaction to the trippy time travel mechanics (this is the only fandom where I could ever get away with something like that--thanks, Amano!) to the piles of exposition. XDD Heh. So hearing that it felt like reading the manga for you... that really makes me grin. Glad you liked the characterization, too!
And homg that's pretty much the exact kind of reaction I was going for with the second half of the fic. I just wanted to keep people reading and then "BAM HERE'S A TWIST, I hope
it makes sense ;;you enjoy that!" and so forth. (And I always take keyboard smashing to be a good sign, so don't worry. XD)And just... ahh, man, this comment made my day. THANK YOU SO MUCH. ♥ ♥ ♥
no subject
no subject
Thanks again; I'm really glad you liked it! :)
no subject
I admit I got really confused there for a while, but when it started to all click into place, it was like, HOLY SHIT--ajskldfasdf I still adore your Yamamoto, and I really love the camaraderie he shares with Gokudera in this. Guhhhh, I haven't read some serious grahhhamazing!fic like this in a while for this fandom! Thank you so much for bringing back the AWESOME, and for doing it with Yamamoto & Gokudera. ;A;/
*goes back to squeeing softly in the background here, don't mind me* ;w;b
no subject
Haha, KHR is like a sci-fi/fantasy writer's dream playground, thanks to the Future Arc. And yeah, we do, I think (there were actually a few points writing this where I started to worry I was getting too close to the territory of your fics, but since you seemed to be focusing more on the parallel universe aspect of things, I figured I was safe XD). GREAT MINDS, ETC. ETC.
Glad it all clicked into place at the end--I was pretty concerned that it wouldn't make sense for some people, but everyone who's commented so far has said they understood in the end, so that's a relief.
If I weren't so addicted to stupid plot twists I wouldn't have this problem, but oh well. XDAnd I'm glad you liked the characterization too, heh.Thanks as always for the comment; they always make me happy |DDDDDD ♥
no subject
I also like that you just stuck to the point, because I'm not the world's biggest 8059 fan, so it was nice to read a fic where they're completely dedicated to each other and to the family without having to be romantically together. And since there hasn't been interaction between them in canon for a while, this filled in that gap a little :)
The bit with Byakuran
trollingbeing Byakuran to Gokudera was hilarious, too XD You write him so well.no subject
And thanks! Yeah, even though I like 8059, when it comes to writing fic about them I tend to stick to gen territory almost exclusively, both because it's comfortable and familiar to me (and I SUCK at writing anything more intimate), and because of the reason you mentioned--I like writing and reading about them just being family. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with romance, but at the end of the day, friendship is what makes me wibble the most.
Glad you liked the Byakuran scene, too. He is a blast to write, especially when he's trolling it up (which is always), so I just couldn't resist throwing him in here somewhere. XD
Thanks so much for the comments; glad you liked the fic! ♥
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
no subject
First of all, I want you to know that this whole thing - both parts of the story - were both super believable to me. As someone mentioned, it felt like I was seriously reading something from the manga, yet at the same time, I felt like I was reading an original work. It's amazing how you do that and I'm not sure how you do it, but I'm loving it. I dig the disjointed structuring you've got going (because ffff I have a tendency to do that a lot too akdjhla), but you still managed to keep it cohesive, which I think is a difficult task that not everyone is able to get down. It's subtle, yet the vividness of the story makes it so jarring (the detail in Yamamoto's death and the parallel image of Gokudera dying, in particular) and I can actually see very clearly what's going on, right down to Byakuran's bowl of marshmellows.
I think the one thing that I loved the most about this was the fact that Yamamoto was the one who did it first. I'm all for the theory that this boy is really a lot smarter than he looks, and it makes me so fucking happy whenever I read something that hints at his intelligence that he likes to keep hidden until it sucker punches you in the face. The guilt that he had to live with for months, the way he punished himself before finally going to Irie (AND HE DIDN'T HAVE TO EVEN SPEAK TO BYAKURAN TO GET IT AKDJFHALSDF POWER TO YOU, YAMAMOTO, POWER TO YOU), if I didn't already love Yamamoto to bits and pieces, this would've been the reason that made me a believer. Thank you, thank you, thank you for not reducing him to the bumbling twelve year old idiot that everyone seems to make him out for.
So before this turns into just a pile of elated keysmashing, I'll just end this here and tip my hat off to you because this has been the most enjoyable story I've read in a while. I usually don't like first person point of views, but man, you've swayed me on this one. Many, many kudos to you, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. ♥
no subject
Thank you so much! Really glad you liked it and that it was clear and cohesive and felt true to canon; I will never not worry about those things, so comments like this just make my day (must... resist... urge to flail around excitedly...). ♥
And yes, I've always felt that there is a lot more to Yamamoto than what we usually see on the surface. He may not be super-intelligent, but he's incredibly intuitive (almost as much as Tsuna, I think), and he has this weird and often hilarious ability to really think outside the box. I absolutely believe that if something like this ever did happen in canon
PLEASE NO, he would have the right mix of creativity and stubbornness to ultimately arrive at a similar kind of solution. (Though hopefully, in the canon version, he wouldn't have to do it alone, since unlike me Amano is capable of juggling more than two characters at a time--sorry you got left out there, Tsuna. XD) Because he's flipping awesome.Thanks again for the comment; it seriously made me grin so hard my cheeks hurt. :D Heh. ♥